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Feeling unattractive

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Feeling unattractive

I had a Pap smear in October come back abnormal, then found out the pathologist identified adenocarcinoma  my pap, then had colposcopy and tiasue samples, then cone biopsy, which I’m still healing from. 

My results look good at this point. They diagnosed adenocarcinoma in situ and moderate dysplasia but clear margins. I’m following up with a gyn-oncologist but my doctor doesn’t think I’ll need any further treatment.

The problem now is just wondering when I’ll feel normal again. Ever since I was told just that I had an abnormal pap I’ve been feeling just unattractive and like I can’t be intimate. My girlfriend gives me all the space but I cant be like this forever. This probably sounds horrible but basically I feel defective.

Meghan Herring

Hi Eliciayr, 

I am sorry to read you aren't feeling like yourself. It can be really hard to adjust after having cell changes (abnormalities) and so it is a time to be kind to yourself. We often say take time to do things that you enjoy and activities that make you feel more like yourself. 

All of us have different cervix and vagina no matter whether we have had treatment or not. As long as you feel ready to be intimate, there is nothing about you that anyone else would think is abnormal. It sounds like your girlfriend is being incredibly supportive, which is fantastic - keep talking to each other and hopefully this will help. If at any point you need some further support, speaking to your family doctor or gynae may also help.

With my best wishes,



Hi lovely,

I’m new on the forums. I’m a lesbian with high risk HPV and my head is a bit of a mess. 

It means a lot to me to know there are other WLW out there going through similar. 

I am so happy your prognosis is looking really good, and that you have your gf there to support you. 

You aren’t defective, and this feeling will pass xxxxx



I just came back to the forum after checking for lesbian activity a year ago. I felt the opposite, I had treatment for 3b cc 4 years ago. My wife just wouldn't have sex any more, I felt like I was unattractive and that my world had been destroyed. I nagged her, then gave up. Then she just walked off and now wants me to sell my home, to give her money she doesnt need, bleah!

Personally I think you need time and if your girlfriend is positive about you and your body listen to her rather than your own negative thoughts. But it really takes time to heal emotionally, not just physically. I am sure that you are just as gorgeous as you were before this awful thing happened. 

You will get over it,


What does it matter losing your legs, for people will always be kind

And you need not show that you mind, when the others come in after hunting to gobble their muffins and eggs.