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Coping with everyday life

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FeelingTheFear
Coping with everyday life

Hello ladies 

Thanks for taking the time to read my post

Its 18 weeks since diagnosis and 14 weeks since my radical hysterectomy and lymph node dissection. I'm back in work and grateful that life is getting back "on track"

But as I return to everyday life, I feel overwhelmingly anxious and self conscious. This is affecting my performance in all aspects of life, from doubting my ability to do my job, to panicking about driving a car, body confidence with my husband, knowing what to say in social settings, or even what to wear. I am constantly on edge about being "judged" and falling short, and I dont know why or where this has come from. 

Despite what my username may suggest, before this chapter of my life I was very confident and assured. I had imagined I could come through the other side feeling stronger and more capable than ever and I am surprised/disappointed to find how timid I've become. I sometimes feel as if I'm not coping.

Just wondering if anybody else felt this way. Thanks for your time xXx

Feb 2020: smear = high grade dyskariosis

March 2020: biopsy = CIN3

April 2020: lletz = cervical cancer stage 1b1 (1b2 on new FIGO)

May 2020: radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy. NED!

September 2020: first follow up. NED!

Lucyc222

Hi! 

I needed to reply to this as it is exactly how I am feeling. I'm just under a year since my radical trachelectomy for stage 1b2 and after 12 weeks off I went back to work. I feel like all my confidence has gone and I feel invisible and like I'm watching life go by. I'm also very emotional some of the time and the next day I feel empty. My anxiety is quite bad now too (I don't think lockdown has helped) and it takes me a long time to even get myself to go to tescoes. I had such a love for life before I had cancer and now I feel worse than when I actually had it! 

here to chat if you need too. 

lucy x 

Dee78

Hi,

I am coming up to a year post radical hysterctomy and I feel exactly the same.  Just feel like life will never be the same again.  I live in constant fear of recurrence and analyse every little ache and pain, certainly not a healthy way to live.  I try and get on with it for the sake of my kids but it's hard going.  Other than taking kids to school the last couple of weeks I have only left the house 5 times since March frown x

1st April 2019 - colposcopy and lletz

13 May 2019 - told cc

29 May 2019 - CT and MRI

12 June 2019 - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June 2019 - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment.  Restaged 1b1.

3 Sept 2019 - laparoscopic modified radical hysterectomy(retained1 ovary)

19 Sept 2019 - pathology confirmed no lymph node involvement and NED, no further treatment required.  3 month follow ups...

7th Aug 2020 - vault smear and biopsy of granulation tissue done.

25 Aug 2020 - both smear and granulation tissue results clear

55

Hello ladies whilst I haven't been through such tough times as you I have come across an article by a psychologist called Dr Peter Harvey entitled After the treatment ends - what then? which is about how many people who have come through treatment find it difficult to return to normal life - apparently it has to do with being discharged from the safety net of your medical team. Even though I have only had a scare - in fact a couple of scares - I feel the experience has changed me and my approach to life - what used to seem a big deal no longer seems so important. I'm sorry I'm not very good at posting links but you may find it useful to go on the MacMillan website Emotional Issues section where I first heard of the article. There is a lovely chap known as The Highlander who has been dealing with the emotional side of cancer for many years and who describes what he calls the battle between the ears as the hardest part. 

I hope this helps

A x

 

1st ever abnormal smear hpv & severe high grade dyskaryosis August 2019 lletz September 2019 polyp & nabothian cyst found Results hpv & mild cell changes polyp innocent Repeat colposcopy Dec 2019 test of cure January 2020 results of test of cure; no high risk HPV present , check up colposcopy appointment in June because of the discrepancy between initial smear & lletz result - June 2020 repeat colposcopy & pap - all clear - discharged from hospital - next smear in 3 yrs Back again August 2020 following post menopausal bleed; more tests! Turned out to be hormonal/menopause related but they also discovered a small ovarian cyst which they will check again in 4 months; cyst was not related to bleeding

Lisa_xox

Hi ladies

Reading this post made me cry, because its the exact way I feel and its so scary to think ill never be the old me again. I plan to go back to work the beginning of October but already feel from phone conversations etc they think its all done and dusted now and I'm just back to old me! 

It is reassuring to know were not alone though, what we feel is normal, and each of us can pop on here for that little pick me up in our time of need.

XxX

 

27.05.2020 attended nurse apt due to unable to feel coil strings and slightly heavier than normal discharge

03.06.2020 colposcopy apt

10.06.2020 apt made for results (welcome to cc club)

15.06.2020 MRI scan

18.06.2020 MDT stage 1b2

25.06.2020 apt to meet surgeon and discuss treatment

15.07.2020 radical hysterectomy 

06.08.2020 no further treatment needed, follow up in 3 months

 

Locket

I could have written this myself. I was always such a confident, easy going and sociable person. I feel like I'm a shell of my former self. I feel anxious and have lost my confidence. I feel safe at home with my family but I don't like to lose that comfort. I have ongoing issues with side effects which affect my daily life. So ladies you are not alone. It would be so nice to meet in person because I feel like nobody understands how I feel other than you ladies. Keep going we will get there xxx

  • April 19 - colopscopy 

May 19 - diagnosed 1b

MRI and CT confirmed spread to 2 lymph nodes - large one in para aorta. June 19 - started treatment cisplatin and radio. Aug 19 - brachytherapy 

Nov 19 - positive 3 month follow up 

February 20 - positive follow up 

April 20 - Postive CT scan 

July 20 - positive CT scan and advised back pain is treatment related. 

Aug 20 - pet scan shows still active cancer in lymph node 

awaiting further treatment..

 

 

 

Jazza
Jazza's picture

 Hi ladies

 

I'm nowhere near where I was before my cc diagnosis/treatment. I'm more than 3 years post treatment now and, whilst I feel I've made some progress on the psychological front, I'm still floored by my long term physical side effects. I have urinary retention for which I rely on catheters and my lymphoedema restricts much of what I would like to do particularly now it's developed in my foot.

 

Since my treatment I haven't driven, gave up my full time job and the only 'holiday' I've had was a 2 day city break shortly after which I got a UTI which did nothing for my confidence. Having said all that I have adapted and am continuing to do so; my idea of an achievement/aspiration these days includes things like getting through a year without a UTI (2019 - yay) or getting a compression stocking that works and is comfortable - lol.

 

x

  • Feb 04:  (age 47y) Smear test normal
  • Stopped going for smears!
  • Summer 16: persistent watery yellow vaginal discharge
  • Dec 16: PMB
  • Jan 17: Hysteroscopy under GA for ?fibroids - abnormal cervix observed -multiple biopsies taken, 1B1 (1B2 on new FIGO) squamous cell cc diagnosed - confirmed by MRI/PET scans
  • Feb 17: pelvic lymphadenectomy - nodes negative, Da Vinci radical hysterectomy- close anterior margin/LVSI/PNI, restaged to 2A1 (2A1 on new FIGO)
  • Apr/May 17: 6x chemo, 25x external radio, 2x brachy
  • May 20:  NED.  Side effects notably hypotonic bladder since hysterectomy - ongoing ISC, unilateral lymphoedema lower abdo/groin/leg/ankle/foot
Southofthelake
Southofthelake's picture

Hey FeelingtheFear

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I don't have any words of wisdom except that you are definitely not alone in this, as the other ladies have said. I struggle more now with my self worth and questioning my life. Before, like you, I was hopefull about everything and it is a little more difficult now to see through the mist.

x

October 2019 - smear test

November 2019 - results back; hpv with severe dyskaryosis, colposcopy organised.

November 2019 - colposcopy biopsy taken - confirmed abnormal cells

December 2019 - lletz performed

Jan 2020 - called in: confirmed I have cancer

Tests run through Jan and Feb. During this time went through fertility treatment; 5 eggs frozen.

End Feb - confirmed stage 2b CC (updated info, staging changed to stage 3 invlving lymph nodes)

Treatment starts March - 28 external radio/5 chemo/4 brachy

Only sat 3 chemo after developing tinnitus

April 25th - finished brachytherapy

July 2020 - MRI

Awaiting results

FeelingTheFear

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. I've gone back to my counsellor as I had pulled out of counselling after my 3rd session and thinking I should try it and see if they can help. So if I learn anything useful there I will update this thread xXx

Feb 2020: smear = high grade dyskariosis

March 2020: biopsy = CIN3

April 2020: lletz = cervical cancer stage 1b1 (1b2 on new FIGO)

May 2020: radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy. NED!

September 2020: first follow up. NED!

xxHHxx

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. 

21st sept jo's trust are holding an online session - looking after your mental health. One of their mini meets.

May be of help to you. I was thinking of joining. 

Stay strong 

Diagnosed CC 12.02.2020

Stage 3

Mri scan 19.02.2020

CT scan 25.02.2020

PET scan 02.03.2020

Stage 3c confirmed 05.03.2020

EUA 16.03.2020 - re staged to 3b :)

Chemorads start 06.04.2020

Chemorads end 08.05.2020

Brachytherapy starts 10.05.2020

Brachytherapy restarts 13.05.2020

All finished and back home 16.05.2020

13.08.2020 3 month MRI - results not quite all clear. 

FeelingTheFear

Thank you, that is a great idea! I hadnt looked into this, so thank you for pointing me in this direction x

Feb 2020: smear = high grade dyskariosis

March 2020: biopsy = CIN3

April 2020: lletz = cervical cancer stage 1b1 (1b2 on new FIGO)

May 2020: radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy. NED!

September 2020: first follow up. NED!

More Information

Moving forward from a cancer diagnosis