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Post hysterectomy emotions :(

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LauraJane
LauraJane's picture
Post hysterectomy emotions :(

Hi Ladies

I havent been on here for a while as my evenings have been an emotional roller coaster recently. I am 5 weeks post op I have been lucky to be given the all clear. However since finding out I was cleared of cancer my emotions have taken over and I am literally spending every night sobbing myself into a snotty mess!! Prior to that I had been very positive and had felt really strong and in control.

I feel that now I have been given the all clear that people think I am better but they have forgtten what I have lost in the process.  I have also been left with damaged nerves to my legs and lymphodemea which are really slowed down my recovery. So to say I am fed up would be an understatement! Frown

Sometimes I feel like I'm grieving for a lost relative the pain is so bad and at others I feel so bitter and cannot stop thinking 'what have I done to deserve this' as I have had a real tough few years and felt I'd had my fair share of troubles.

People keep telling me (well those that haven't been through it) that its all quite normal and I should be patient but I am really concerned that I may be fall into depression if I am not careful.

I am doing everything I can see possible to help myself, I am getting out and about everyday seeing lots of friends. Pottering around the house and doing as much for myself as I can. I'm taking good care of myself. Yet I can't seem to stop these immense outbursts.

I wondered if any of you lovely ladies have any good advice for me? As I really don't want to have to resort to tablets to make me feel better.

Laura xxx

[color=#ff40bf]Age 32 Abnormal smear- severe glandular changes LLETZ treatment and womb biopsies Diagnosed 1B2 cervical cancer 27/09/12 - Radical Hysterectomy with lymph node dissesction 10/10/12 - Given All Clear[/color]

KAR47

Hi Laura

Just read your post and really feel for you.xx

Sorry I have no advice from experience  for you except keep your chin up and its  fab news you have all clear. This time in a few monthe will all be a distant memory.

Get out and enjoy your life hunny xx

Kath x

 

5.9.12 Routine smear 24.9.12 Colposcopy clinic - referred lletz under GA 3.10.12  Hysterectomy booked 20.11.12 Hysterectomy cancelled MDT meeting 26.11.12 for second opinion on cin 3 diagnosis.  restaged 1a1 referred to specialist centre. 2nd lletz booked 3.12.12 restaged again 1b1 20.12.12 radical hysterectomy. 10.1.13 final stage 1b2 lymph nodes clear but LVSI present. No further treatment. 3 monthly checks.

LizzieC

Hi Laura

Glad everything has gone well and you have had the all clear.

Your post really struck a cord with me as I know exactly how you are feeling.

I think that everything you are going through is completely normal and part of a process of getting better and coming to terms with what has happened to you. it is nearly 11 months since my radical hysterectomy and lymph node removal and I still have pain in the top of both thighs but it has slowly got better and is nowhere near as bad as it was.I sat up pretty much all night for months and was terrified of never feeling normal again. I got through it by doing what you are doing and trying my best to carry on and spend time with family and friends. I found it a lot easier after I went back to work  as I was so tired I had to sleep and this helped to get me back into a routine (but dont rush this I took 8weeks before I went back)  I also still have very dark days (and nights)where I cant sleep and will sit up all night fearing for the future.

I think the best advice given to me was from my older sister who told me to stop waiting for my body and my life to go back to how it was before as after everything that I had been through that wasnt going to happen. What I needed to do was find a new way of life that I was happy with and accept that as "normal". I think that went a long way to helping me get myself back on track.

I hope that helps in some way.

Please feel free to contact me if you ever need to.

Take care of your selfxx Liz xx

CIN 3 August 2011
Colposcopy September 2011
Cone biopsy October 2011
Diagnosed 1B1 cc November 2011
Radical Hysterectomy and Lymph node removal December 2011
January 2012 all clear no further treatment :)

LauraJane
LauraJane's picture

Hi Liz
Thank-you so much for that advice, i have been saying for weeks now that I want to get back to normal but now you've said that it totally makes sense!! As things will never be the same as they were before because I am not the same person. I guess i have to do what your sister said and find a new 'normal' to be honest I don't think I even remember what normal is. That is very wise advice!! I am hopefully returning to work in a 3 weeks I really think like you that will help to bring some normailty and structure to my daily life.
People keep saying to me what you've been through must be awful but at least you're alive. But at the moment I don't feel like I'm living I feel I am exisiting as things keep setting me back. This week it is a mild cold, but it has literally knocked me off my feet.
The last couple of weeks I feel so angry and frustrated all the time, and my poor family are really suffering for it. My husband is being so patient and kind but I hate how awful I am to him at the moment. I am sure like you say this is just another stage in the process. I'm not sure which is worse, crying all the time or being a mardy and nasty cow [img]http://forum.jostrust.org.uk/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-foot-in-mouth.gif[/img]
Thank-you so much for replying [img]http://forum.jostrust.org.uk/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img] it has helped no end. I don't personally know anyone else that has had cc or had the operation so it does help to speak to someone who knows exactly what I am going through.
Take Care Laura x x x x

[color=#ff40bf]Age 32 Abnormal smear- severe glandular changes LLETZ treatment and womb biopsies Diagnosed 1B2 cervical cancer 27/09/12 - Radical Hysterectomy with lymph node dissesction 10/10/12 - Given All Clear[/color]

KirstyJames
KirstyJames's picture

Hi hun,
Im 13 weeks post hysterectomy and I also had nerve damage to my leg which stopped me from walking (unfortunatly im not fully recovered but I am able to walk unassisted now). I completely get what you mean about ppl assuming that the all clear means you should be doing back flips but its not the case. I posted a few days ago as I was feeling really down and angry at the whole world and the best bit of advice was to focus on other things i.e new hobby to keep your mind off things and try and find a new normal. I dont know if your leg has been diagnosed as neuropraxia as mine has, but if so it does improve but it is a slow process. Swimming really helped (just let the pool know about it as some pools have equip to help) and moving your leg as much as you can. Draw around all the bits that are numb and take a pic then a week later do the same to see how much feeling has come back. the leg thing for me really put me down as its a kick when your already down but things will get better but it takes time. Emotionally I dont know as yet, im still not great but im sure a new normal will come. Its alot to deal with and come out the other side with jazz hands if you get what I mean. I wish you all the luck and love in the world, chin up chicken (pm me if you wanna chat at any time :)) xx

Diagnosed with CC 1B3 19.7.12 Age 25
CIN 3 smear results,
Radical hysterectomy 7.8.12 causing Neuropraxia to left leg
Told my margins were clear 15.8.12
Full all clear given 28.11.12

LauraJane
LauraJane's picture

Hello Sweet
I am so sorry to hear about your leg, mine isn't as bad as yours as I have been able to walk (just not without pain). I am seeing my consultant on Monday so hopefully he will give me some tips on how I can help. I was going to go swimming this week but have struck down with a cold which has really knocked me about. I really hope that you are making good progress as[i] [/i]I can imagine how hard it must be for you I am sending you lots of love with this message!!
I totally get the feeling at being angry and upset at the world, as I have been like that for the past couple of weeks. I keep lashing out at my Husband, Children and Mum all the time and then going in to full meltdown. I know I'm being horrible but just can't seem to stop it, I am really hoping its just part of the process and that it will pass. Its so weird that I don't even feel like me half the time. I think that the advice to find a new normal is, like you I'm just not sure how to do that yet. I am hoping to return to work in a few weeks (if I can get my leg pain under control) so I am hoping that will help.
Lets hope that the New year will bring us ALL good health and happiness God knows I think we deserve it.
Take care and lots of love x x x x

[color=#ff40bf]Age 32 Abnormal smear- severe glandular changes LLETZ treatment and womb biopsies Diagnosed 1B2 cervical cancer 27/09/12 - Radical Hysterectomy with lymph node dissesction 10/10/12 - Given All Clear[/color]

heidie772

Hi Ladies,

I am 2 weeks post hysterectomy and although I haven't had any health complications since - I feel so lucky - I am still very emotional about things. I think you're right when people just assume that because you've got through surgery everything's fine and you'll just go back to how you used to be. Couldn't be further from the truth eh! You can't be too hard on yourself, listen to your body and take it one step at a time. Jo's is amazing but sometimes you need to talk to someone face to face. There are other support sites eg Macmillian out there, are there any local groups you could attend? I'm waiting to hear from Jo's re a support group in my area. 

Be kind to yourselves and let's hope that 2013 will be a better year than 2012!

Big hugs to you all xxxx

 

13.03.12 Abnormal Smear

19.04.12 Biopsy Taken

10.07.12 LLETZ

13.08.12 cc Diagnosed Stage 1b

04.09.12 MRI <clear>

19.09.12 PET/CT Scan <clear>

08.11.12 Radical Keyhole Hysterectomy 

14.11.12 Post Op Results ALL CLEAR!!

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Moving forward from a cancer diagnosis