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Good evening everyone,
Just want to start by saying thanks for all the posts you guys have made and commented on; it really helps to see others experiences and know others are coping and getting through their cancer nightmare.
I've had my covid test today and am shielding ready for lymph node removal surgery on Tuesday. I think I feel OK about the surgery. I mean I am nervous about being put to sleep but my biggest issue is getting the results back to see if there is any lymph node involvement. Thats the bit that I am terrified about and feels like the scariest thing. My family, friends and partner have all been supportive but I'm getting fed up with them all minimising what's going on. Like when I talk about surgery, I get "it's only keyhole" or "you'll be back to normal after a couple of days" and when I talk about having cancer I get things like "it's very early on, you'll be OK".
I know this is because my loved ones desperately want me to be OK and that I am lucky to have them and that I am only 1B1, but at the same time I feel like screaming "I have cancer, I don't feel very lucky!". Most days I can appreciate that I am very fortunate to be at the stage I am (for now anyway, lymph results in a few weeks might mean a re-stage) but with my surgery a couple of days away, I am feeling a bit hopeless and alone. Does anyone else keep their worst fears from their loved ones to protect them? Feel like it's too much to keep inside today.
Just want to know if anyone else understands how I feel.
Take care everyone and big hugs xXx