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I finally have my surgery date- 16th September so not long to go. Since I had it- I am completely falling to pieces! I'm so anxious it's debilitating. Don't know what to do with myself at all. I wake up every morning- am hit with this overwhelming feeling. Then comes the nausea, sheer panic, aches & pains and just feel utterly terrible. It's no way to live, that's for sure!!
I am so irrationally terrified of an operation it's bordering on pathetic!! I feel faint just thinking about it- and don't know at all how I am going to get through it!
I faint at the sight of a needle- I feel physically sick (and am sick a few times a day!) with constant worry.
my doctor has me on propranolol, have been on it for about 4 weeks now- it's taking the edge of, ie- I am no longer convulsing in fear! But- I'm struggling BIG TIME!! I'm scared of absolutely everything!
I've written a few posts about pains in my back- thought I was completely riddled- ended up staged at 1b2 until they've checked lymph nodes. I still very much have those pains, and a strong period like pain that comes and goes. Because of my back pain, and where it is (exactly the spot for a spinal!) I decided to just go down the morphine route. I spoke to a few women in a fb group who had morphine and they were fine, didnt wake up in pain or anything- but yesterday, met an anaesthetist who said, exact words- if you don't have the spinal, you will wake up in a lot of pain!!
so now I'm super anxious about that too!! Everyone I've spoken to has said different- obviously I'm not expecting to feel 100% afterwards, or for some time in fact- but I don't want to wake in a lot of pain at all- I will freak out!
Has anyone here had a radical hysterectomy, vertical incision with lymph removal with just the morphine on demand!? Please tell me your thoughts if so-
also- any tips on how to calm myself? I'm speaking to a few people who have been through it, and everyone has said it's not as bad as they imagined etc- everyone is actually pretty positive... but I can't seem to take that in, my brain just decides that everything is doom and gloom, and I'm really not coping at all.
I have the most wonderful life, I'm so incredibly happily married, have 4 beautiful children and could want for nothing. Yet this anxiety is so bad and the way I feel, so incredibly low that I've actually had some extremely dark thoughts.
I am so scared. So so scared and just don't know what to do with myself. I know that they can give something to take the edge off when you get there- does it actually work!? I have no faith in anything taking this fear away in the slightest.
I am also scared of how I will be afterwards! I am quite a dramatic person in general (ha!) but with anything medical- I don't cope well at all! I worry that it's all going to be unbearable for me.
Wanted to add- the needle thing... I am slightly ahead of the game and begged my consultant to organise tablets instead of the injections afterwards- which he has agreed to!
I also requested dissolvable stitches and glue instead of staples- again he has agreed.
two huge positives- doesn't make it any better right now :(
I can't see anything in a good light
As you can probably tell- I am in quite a bad place!
Sorry for the negativity! I am usually so optimistic and full of life- wish I could get her back!
07.08.20 diagnosed with squamous cell 1b2 cc
16.09.20 radical hysterectomy