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Surgery Fear

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Dee78
Surgery Fear

Was anyone absolutely terrified of surgery before they had it?  I am so fearful that I’m not sure I can go ahead with it, although deep down I know I have too.  

 

Petrified I won’t wake up after or that I will wake up during the procedure and I just can’t shake it.  I might feel better after I speak to my consultant on Wednesday but right now my fear and anxiety is sky high.  Back to waking up every hour. Looking for ways to cope with the fear if anyone has any positive thoughts x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

Hi Dee

You know about my fears, not so much the surgery but after and the potential risks. I totally get how you feel,I think it’s normal to feel scared and frightened. Definitely speak to your consultant about your fears on Wednesday. Also have you thought about some yoga or meditation? There’s some apps that can help with relaxation and anxiety. 

Thinking of you xxxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

Helen7
Helen7's picture

I was terrified beyond words, thought I'd not make it. I even went as far as writing down instructions for my husband in case I didnt come through the anesthetic - that just sums up how scared I was. 

Have you had surgery before? It's the fear of the unknown, before you know it you'll be back in the ward. There is no way you'll wake up in the middle, anesthetists are highly skilled at their job. I remember opening my eyes back in the ward and the first thing I though was yay, I'm alive. It's perfectly normal to be scared, don't suffer alone, see your GP they can help. Before you know it all this will be over, you've just got to ride out a rough couple of weeks. If I can help in anyway way please feel free to pm me.

Helen xxx

Dee78

Thanks Helen and Lotty, you have both been a great support during this horrific time.  When I first got diagnosed this is the route I was praying for, different story when it all becomes real though.

Guess I just need to count my blessings x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Helen7
Helen7's picture

You are both really welcome to ask me anything that frightens you. Only last year I was in your positions. The reason I stuck round on this forum is because of the sheer terror I felt and if I can help just one person......

I'll just add too, when I met my consultant for the op, my hubby said to him that I was terrified I'd not come through it. His reply was don't be silly, you've got a bigger risk of being killed in an RTA. I remember my walk to theatre with the anesthetist who said to me, I was in exactly the same position as you this time last year! 

Helen xxx

2387natty

Hey Dee78, 

I had my RH Monday just gone and believe me, I was exactly the same as you. 

The evening before the op o could not stop crying, the morning I was sick with fear, stupid thoughts that just aren't real going through my head. It's crazy how much we work ourselves up over it, liek you I wanted to cancel but then thought of the long run and how I would regret not doing it just because of irrational fear. 

I met my anethesist on the morning of my op and ik sure you will do to, they will answer any questions you have etc and reasurre you, once your up to theatre you don't even have enough time to think irrationally, you're just chatting away and then bam you wake up in recovery. 

I really feel for you as I was in your shoes this time last week, but it will be Ok :)

xx

CJ2019

Hello, I had my first surgery under general anaesthetic this morning and am back home this evening. I was petrified and didn’t sleep at all last night but the nurses and doctors made me feel so at ease and honestly I was chatting about my ideal holiday destination one minute and waking up in recovery the next. Have another major op on the 22nd and feeling much more confident now I know what it’s like. You are in safe hands! X

CJ

Lotty9000

Hi CJ

I’m glad that things have gone well for you today.  Good luck for the 22nd.xx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

Dee78

Good luck for the 22nd CJ!

To be honest I am trying to be brave about the whole thing, with very little success.

I have actually woken up with a splitting headache today with all the stress.  I wake up every hour in a panic that I’m not going to make it through surgery and I can’t shake it. I am overweight as well which is causing me even more panic, maybe they will tell me they can’t go ahead cause of my weight.  The thought of telling my kids breaks my heart especially my little boy as he is a definitely a mummy’s boy and a big softy.  At the minute they only know I have a “sore tummy.”

Lotty have you made your decision yet what you are going to do? x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

Hi Dee

I’m waiting on a date for hysterectomy, it is the right thing to do and I think even if I waited the end result would be the same. When I ask myself could I go through the past 7-8weeks again I literally well up and feel panicked. I’m sure I’d manage but if I don’t need too and the risk that detection may be difficult and therefore I may end up with a higher stage I know hysterectomy is the right thing. 

I too am a little overweight so I’m working on that in the meantime. Could do with shifting a stone or 2. 

Do you have a date? Xx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

Dee78

Nope not got a date yet, I just got told it probably won’t be in July as they are quite full.  If I have a say I would probably like to wait until the schools go back, just to give me the time during the day to recover but I may not have a choice.  One way I think it’s a great thing and in another it just prolongs the fear.  I might know more tmrw after my meeting. At the minute I am quite irrational with fear, hope I can control it enough to go ahead with the surgery. 

I wish I only had a couple of stone to loose.  I have a lot more than that but going to try and loose a few in the next few weeks, every little helps.

Glad you have made your decision, it must of been tough but I think your right.  Your logic makes perfect sense, which I thought like you lol x

 

 

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

I asked if I could wait until after the school holidays, I’m in Scotland so kids go back 21st August, got a letter today for my pre op on 22nd August. 

Try not to worry about weight,just try to focus on being as healthy as you can. You will be ok,the Dr’s know what they are doing and I’m sure will look after you well xxxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

Dee78

I’m in Scotland too lol!  Where about are you?  I’m in Fife? x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

I’m over the water near Falkirk!! Not far away at all!xxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

Dee78

Well no further forward.  Surgeon said I was a challenge due to my weight and he doesn’t think that a radical hysterectomy is the right option for me. He is worried that he may cut into my bowel or bladder due to the amount of extra tissue they cut away during this procedure and I could end up with a stoma or fistula. He said the surgery itself will be fine but he is more concerned about complications afterwards. 

He wants to put my case back through the MDT next Thursday to see if a simple hysterectomy with lymph node removal or radiotherapy is a safer option, both apparently have the same outcome and should help prevent a recurrence, fingers crossed.

Feel a bit frazzled by it all but appreciate his honesty. Just have to wait and see what the outcome is next week.  Either way treatment probably won’t start till August sometime, asked if possible to hold off till kids go back to school, give me more time to rest during the day x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

It’s so tough the waiting eh? Hopefully have a better plan next Thursday. Are you getting treatment at the Victoria in Kirkcaldy? Do they discuss their MDT cases with Edinburgh? I’m at forth valley and they discuss with Glasgow, they’ve been really good. 

Fingers crossed you get a plan soon xxxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

CJ2019

Thanks both! 

Good look with everything guys. It’s so hard waiting for them to make decisions isn’t it? I was pregnant when diagnosed so have had to wait until 12 weeks post partum until they could decide which treatment would be best (had chemo in meantime) and I swear it send me half mad! Kept making lists of pros and cons of surgery vs radiotherapy and imagining the possible side effects-much to the annoyance of my husband.

I just keep reminding myself that they are making the best decision for me, no matter how scary it sounds. I just keep Day dreaming about that day (I hope it comes!) when I can tell my family that I have the all clear- it will make everything worth while! 

 

Xx

CJ

Dee78

At this point in time I am just wanting the best treatment for me, whatever that me be.  It’s so hard to read other stories and believe you are to go down that same road for similar stage, but everyone is different so what is good for one may not be the best option for another as I kindly found out yesterday.  Think after yesterday I want to go down the radio route but not sure how much choice I have in the decision. This all just sucks!  I am at a new all time low this morning.  Afraid they are going to tell me I’m to fat to treat!

Lotty - I believe if I go down the surgery route then it will be the Victoria.  Had both my lletzs done at Queen Margaret.  They have been okay with me but yesterday was the first time I actually physically met anyone although my nurse had been great with me.  Always in the phone if I need her.  Not sure where the MDT meetings are held to be honest x

1st April - colposcopy and lletz

13 May - told cc

29 May - CT and MRI

12 June - staged 1a2, need another lletz to confirm treatment

24 June - 2nd LLETZ, awaiting confirmation of treatment

4 July - RH required, date to be confirmed

Lotty9000

I know it’s hard but try to think positive and don’t be so hard on yourself. 

They will find a treatment plan individualised for you. They will not refuse to treat you and you will see the end of this. Focus on the good things you have in your life while waiting. 

Stay strong and I’m thinking of you! 

C xx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

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