There are no products in your shopping cart.
I know I sound like a broken record on here, but the waiting for tsurgery and the possibility that my surgery will be delayed due to it being considered "elective" is absolutely exhauating me. Thirty-three days until surgery, and pribably twenty-five before I have an idea of whether that date stays in place or not. I keep vacillating between obsessively following the Covid reaponse in my state (Georgia) and avoiding the news altogether. I am exercising like mad, trying to get my body ready to fight. I am trying to be calm. But I have been quarantined with my children now since March 14 with very little outside interaction or daily distraction. The weather is gorgeous and my children are happy and healthy. I keep trying to live in the moment. It is the only one any of us are guaranteed. But my mind keeps going to the darkest places. I keep getting gripped with the idea that I know I am going to die.then five minutes later I feel like I am going to live. And I run through everything I know obsessively and then everything I don't know (more). It is hard to imagine being sane by the time I make it to surgery, especially since (thankfully) our shelter in placw guidelines have been extended until the end of the month. NOTHING feels normal. Literally EVERYTHING in life feels totally up in the air and I can't see a future at all. My doctor started me on a light anti-anxiety pill, but that almost seems hilarious to me right now. I have a lot of friends willing to listen and my sweet children are being totally amazing in the quarantine life. But, ladies, this is hard.
As I have said on here more than once, I am tryong to throw myself into focusing on nutrition, sleep (ha! i am typing this at 2am), and exercise. I am also trying to learn some meditation techniques. I have years of waits ahead and I can't spend rhe rest of my life this keyed up. I will die of stress i stead of cc. I am trying to channel my energy into a love for my body and self that helps it geqr up to heal and to fight.
But this damn waiting can go atraight to hell...
11/18Abnormal Pap CINIII
12/18Colpo confirmsCINIII-horrible experience with cruel doctor
12/18Cold Knife cone biopsy confirms CiNIII, clear margins-doctor says we should just take it all out
1/19 second opinion-close monitoring appropriate
5/19, 8/19 paps and colpos CIN I
2/20 Pap reveals CIN III
3/17/20 Lietz under GA
3/20/20 Cervical Cancer, no clear margins- doctor calls my situation rare and shocking as my cone had clear margins