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All over the place

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Mollz
Mollz's picture
All over the place

Hello girls,

I am all over the place emotionally but physically have taken to my bed!

i think the roller coaster has finally crashed! The bleeding I had earlier in the week has left me feeling completely wiped out, but also SO scared, mainly because I don't think I could go through it again, but also because it has made me realise that I really have this horrible thing wrong with me. I think I may have slumped into a bit of a depression, which of course is really not going to help. Whilst my scans were fine in themselves, the technicians didn't look at me afterwards and have convinced myself that that's because they saw 'things.'

i am trying to prepare myself for the treatment ahead, but all I have really managed to do is google a lot and order strange items off amazon. (Litter pick...what!!!???)

even the health binge that I went on has tailed off. I HATE green tea!

would love just to hear from some of you. What treatment has anyone had for stage 1b (I think it's 1b1)? Have any of you found out what has caused you to develop cc? I am so worried that I will have everything removed only to live with the fear of HPV developing anyway in the void (vault?)

any tips on preparing for treatment? I have taken Cheryl's advice and got some meditation and yoga Apps. My friend has told me to do pelvic floor excercises! 

Lots of hugs to all of you, whatever stage you are at on your journey. I'm sure we all are better off for having jo's.

Molly xxxxxx

13.8.14 abnormal smear

26.814 colposcopy and punch biopsies

11.9.14 lletz under GA. Told likely cc.

19.9.14 MDT confirmed cc stage 1b

23.9.14 Ct scan (clear) admitted for heavy bleeding. Silver niterate applied.

26.9.14 MRI 10.10.14 MRI#2 both clear

11.11.14 radical Hysterectomy

21.11.14 no further treatment required

Dominique86

Hi mollz cc is defintley rollercoaster no one wants to be on! But what your feeling is completely normal hun I no i felt more incontrol of my emotions after I was staged and had my treatment plan to then concentrate on. But now I'm bk to feeling vulnerable and out of control of my emotions because my treatment is over and I'm waiting to see if it worke, but alot of lovely ladies on here have helped me and reassured me that what I'm feeling is normal. Jos is a great place and I would of been lost without it. So basically what am saying mollz is that what your feeling is to be expected and if you ever need a chat there's lots of ladies including my self that our hear to listen. Take care hun xx

Cheryl D

Hi Mollz

I was diagnosed with 1b1 too and had a Wertheims Hysterectomy.  Luckily it hadnt spread into my lymph nodes so I didnt need chemo or radiotherapy.  I was on 3 monthly check ups to start with and am currently on 4 monthly ones.  I had a vault smear last April, will be having a MRI in November and another vault smear next April.

So far, so good which is great.  But it does affect me emotionally and I do get low moments though thankfully they are getting less as time goes on.  Like Dominique above I too felt more in control when I had my treatment plan and op date.

I've been a bit low the last few days as it's the 1 year anniversary but I know I'll come through it and pick up again.  The point is it's all normal, the fear, the worry, feeling vunerable and out of control.  You'll come through it, bit by bit.  And we'll be here to help you.  Jo's is brilliant for that, you'll never feel alone and the support is amazing.

By the way, I hate green tea too so I take green tea capsules instead!

Sending you lots of hugs.

Cheryl,xx

2nd Sept 13 - told had Cervical Cancer

9th Sept 13 - MRI (stage later confirmed 1b1)

8th Oct 13 - Radical Hysterectomy (vertical incision) ovaries removed

16th Oct 13 - Readmitted with high temperature

19th Oct 13 - Collection/abscess identified, image guided drainage performed

25th Oct 13 - Emergency op for drainage of abscess

Informed whilst in hospital that no cancer was found in the lymph nodes and the margins were clear.

 

Ali77

Hey Mollz

I hate roller coasters!!! But I've been on one for nearly 2 years now and you do learn how to ride it!

There are going to be so many highs and lows so grab on to the highs, whenever you can. I used to eat loads of chocolate and call it my high of the day :)

You are going to feel scared and fearful but I promise it gets better, life becomes 'normal' again but your normal is a bit different.

I am still scared of recurrence, every day, but I just enjoy the moment and try not to let it swamp me. I promise you learn to deal with it and I'd echo that once you have a plan you will feel better.

Take each day as it comes, and you will get through it. Be kind to yourself.

Big hugs
Ali x

Abnormal smear Nov 12. Colposcopy Dec 12, cancer 1b1 confirmed. Radical hysterectomy Jan 13. Close margins so brachytherapy Mar 13. 3 monthly checks. Feb 14 1 year MRI shows suspected recurrence in the liver. Told no cure, would be offered palliative chemo. Mar 14 Ultrasound, CT scan, 2 liver biopsies and a PET/CT scan Apr 14 liver tumours shown to be non-cancerous adenomas Jun 14 another MRI, all ok so far.

Mollz
Mollz's picture

Hi girls,

tried to reply last night but got a spam alert! Eh? Thank you as always. Like the idea of the green tea capsules! Ali, I have so got to work on the one day at a time thing! I think it's the secret to a good life!

love, Molly xxx

13.8.14 abnormal smear

26.814 colposcopy and punch biopsies

11.9.14 lletz under GA. Told likely cc.

19.9.14 MDT confirmed cc stage 1b

23.9.14 Ct scan (clear) admitted for heavy bleeding. Silver niterate applied.

26.9.14 MRI 10.10.14 MRI#2 both clear

11.11.14 radical Hysterectomy

21.11.14 no further treatment required

stak7527

Hi Mollz,

I am new to the site as well so hoping to have the same type of connections and support for eachother. Reading your post is sounding very familiar to me...I was all over the place as well, and yes...buying from amazon too! Book after book on juicing vegetables (I don't even have a juicer or any plans to buy one, lol).

I would NOT take your friend's advice and do any kind of abdominal exercise, or any type of exercise at all unless just a bit of walking. I was doing ab exercises and cardio/aerobic and it seemed to aggravate the cancer - seriously...my stomach was very sore, I became extremely emotional, dark, angry etc...it was bad.

Just take it easy and be kind to yourself. It's okay to be all over the map - you have cancer. I am JUST now learning to be kind to myself as well and it feels pretty good :)

Research on adenocarcinoma (which is what I have) seems to suggest it was caused by an excess of estrogen...so I am thinking my bcp's are the culprit because that is the only source of excess estrogen for me. No one has confirmed that however...it's just info I found on my own. I believe it though because I feel better now that I have stopped taking the bcp's.

Btw, I agree with the other ladies that have posted...now that I have a date set for surgery and I am AWARE of what exactly is wrong with me, I feel better. The diagnosis was kind of a relief...finally...I knew the reason I was feeling so crappy.

Anyoo, take care.  :)

Mollz
Mollz's picture

Hi,

yes I have wondered about the effect of BCps as well, as I was a on dianette for a lot of years for hormonal issues.

pelvic floor excersice a are the ones where you hold in as though stopping a wee, does that sound like a bad idea? TBH having bleed so heavily last week I am almost scared to move!

Molly xx

13.8.14 abnormal smear

26.814 colposcopy and punch biopsies

11.9.14 lletz under GA. Told likely cc.

19.9.14 MDT confirmed cc stage 1b

23.9.14 Ct scan (clear) admitted for heavy bleeding. Silver niterate applied.

26.9.14 MRI 10.10.14 MRI#2 both clear

11.11.14 radical Hysterectomy

21.11.14 no further treatment required

stak7527

Those exercises are the kegel's aren't they? For me...doing those enough (10/3times a day) made me start spotting so I stopped.  I don't know if its the right thing or not but I know for me, I feel better now thay I have stopped all exercise and the bcp's in particular but it probably depends on the type of cancer you have I guess?? I just chill out, get some sun when I can and sleep as much as possible. I don't even feel guilty about the lack of exercise! :)

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Cervical cancer