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I feel numb

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Rubyshoes
I feel numb

Hello

Vi was called into the hospital this morning after my colposcopy last Thursday and told that I have cervical cancer. :(

The consultant wouldn't say much about a stage as he said he wanted to wait for the MRI results (that is on Friday) and then they meet as a team to stage and come up with a treatment plan. 

I feel so weird like it isn't even real and I am thinking about stupid things like about work and wrapping presents and things I haven't really even cried. Is any of that normal because I honestly feel like a robot right now. 

Xxx

26/11/20 colposcopy + biopsy. Mass found but no further info given.

2/12/20 - diagnosed with squamous cell CC 

4/12/20 MRI scan 

10/12/20 appt with consultant - stage 2b - 3cm tumour with no apparent lymph node involvement 

19/12 - pet scan 

30/12 Pet Scan appears to be clear. internal examination doesn't show any different

 4/1 curve ball - doctor adv it's possible it's only 1b1 offered choice of RH or chemo/rads adv likely have to have chemo/rads after RH anyway so decided on chemo/rads

6/1 oncologist 1st appointment 

14/1 radiotherapy planning scan

 

Jazza
Jazza's picture

Hi Rubyshoes

Your reaction is totally normal - very similar to mine.  Not that there is a right or wrong way of dealing with this thing. There's quite a few of here with a range of experiences - this forum has been a great support for me.

x

  • Feb 04:  (age 47y) Smear test normal
  • Stopped going for smears!
  • Summer 16: persistent watery yellow vaginal discharge
  • Dec 16: PMB
  • Jan 17: Hysteroscopy under GA for ?fibroids - abnormal cervix observed -multiple biopsies taken, 1B1 (1B2 on new FIGO) squamous cell cc diagnosed - confirmed by MRI/PET scans
  • Feb 17: pelvic lymphadenectomy - nodes negative, Da Vinci radical hysterectomy- close anterior margin/LVSI/PNI, restaged to 2A1 (2A1 on new FIGO)
  • Apr/May 17: 6 chemo, 25 external radio, 2 brachy
  • May 20:  NED.  Side effects notably hypotonic bladder since hysterectomy - ongoing ISC, unilateral lymphoedema lower abdo/groin/leg/ankle/foot
Memagh

Hi Rubyshoes,

Sorry you find yourself here but it is a very supportive place to be. All of us ladies have found this initial part of our journey the very hardest to deal with. I remember thinking I should start writing letters to my two children etc. etc. and I lost a stone in weight in two weeks. Once I received my staging and treatment plan I felt a bit better and this actually improved once I started treatment as I felt I had started on my journey to be cured. Try to keep yourself busy and try to stay as healthy as possible. You will receive your treatment plan soon and you'll be on your journey to 'kicking cancers butt'. We may not be experts on here but we are here to support you when you need it. 

x Maria

Diagnosed CC 01st August 2019 Stage 1b2 with 1 local lymph node involved. Something else showed up on pet scan. Treatment delayed for surgery, done on September 9th. Found to be a simple ovarian cyst, 1 ovary and tube removed. Treatment plan 5 chemo, 25 radio and 4 brachy. Treatment start date 02nd October 2019. Treatment end date 8th November.

February 2020 3 month scans NED

August 2020 9 Month scans NED

 

 

Rubyshoes

Thank you both so much for replying.. I guess there is no right or wrong way to react :( right now I just want to get telling my family out of the way because honestly I am dreading that so much.....

I have a feeling I will be on here pretty much al the time as I find reading everyone's experiences and thier openness so helpful.

sorry to hear that you are both experiencing this terrible situation and best of luck xx

 

 

26/11/20 colposcopy + biopsy. Mass found but no further info given.

2/12/20 - diagnosed with squamous cell CC 

4/12/20 MRI scan 

10/12/20 appt with consultant - stage 2b - 3cm tumour with no apparent lymph node involvement 

19/12 - pet scan 

30/12 Pet Scan appears to be clear. internal examination doesn't show any different

 4/1 curve ball - doctor adv it's possible it's only 1b1 offered choice of RH or chemo/rads adv likely have to have chemo/rads after RH anyway so decided on chemo/rads

6/1 oncologist 1st appointment 

14/1 radiotherapy planning scan

 

Memagh

My parents live in Ireland and I chose not to tell them until all my treatment finished. Being far away, my Mum would have made herself sick with worry so it was an easy decision for me. I did however tell my sisters as I needed their support. It's really hard telling family but important to have support around you as you go through this.

x

Diagnosed CC 01st August 2019 Stage 1b2 with 1 local lymph node involved. Something else showed up on pet scan. Treatment delayed for surgery, done on September 9th. Found to be a simple ovarian cyst, 1 ovary and tube removed. Treatment plan 5 chemo, 25 radio and 4 brachy. Treatment start date 02nd October 2019. Treatment end date 8th November.

February 2020 3 month scans NED

August 2020 9 Month scans NED

 

 

Rubyshoes

Hi Memagh

I understand that my mum and sister live in Manchester and I live in South Wales so I did wonder whether or not to say but then decided I couldn't physically keep it in. Me and my husband sat down and rang/told family and our kids together in one session which I wanted to do to get it done.

I still didn't cry and I've woke up feeling the same like I literally have no tears. It's so weird because I am such a cryer and I'm well known for it 😂😂 it's like ive lost myself a bit. I guess like I said it's shock and I am sure it will come at some point but right now I think I'm just subconsciously maybe being strong for my husband and kids..??? 

its like an out of body experience:( 

could I ask what NED is please? Thanks so much for replying I can't even put into words how much support this forum is! 

 

26/11/20 colposcopy + biopsy. Mass found but no further info given.

2/12/20 - diagnosed with squamous cell CC 

4/12/20 MRI scan 

10/12/20 appt with consultant - stage 2b - 3cm tumour with no apparent lymph node involvement 

19/12 - pet scan 

30/12 Pet Scan appears to be clear. internal examination doesn't show any different

 4/1 curve ball - doctor adv it's possible it's only 1b1 offered choice of RH or chemo/rads adv likely have to have chemo/rads after RH anyway so decided on chemo/rads

6/1 oncologist 1st appointment 

14/1 radiotherapy planning scan

 

Jazza
Jazza's picture

Hi Rubyshoes

My husband was involved pretty much from the start; I was alerted to my cancer as a result of symptoms (sadly I hadn't kept up to date with smear tests) and I had a total meltdown one evening when I suddenly had a heavy bleed - hubbie was washing up at the time - remember the scene so well.  My sister was next to know - I told her when I got my treatment plan - called her and said 'Oh I'm having a hysterectomy - um next week!'  she guessed correctly first time that it was a cancer - possibly something in the tone of my voice   I didn't tell my parents as they were both very elderly and struggling with long term health conditions - bless, both since passed away. 

As you've already discovered you sort of get to feel your way dealing with situations as they arise - we all have different circumstances.

I use NED to mean 'no evidence of disease' - for me it's a cautious and accurate way to describe my cancer situation.

x

  • Feb 04:  (age 47y) Smear test normal
  • Stopped going for smears!
  • Summer 16: persistent watery yellow vaginal discharge
  • Dec 16: PMB
  • Jan 17: Hysteroscopy under GA for ?fibroids - abnormal cervix observed -multiple biopsies taken, 1B1 (1B2 on new FIGO) squamous cell cc diagnosed - confirmed by MRI/PET scans
  • Feb 17: pelvic lymphadenectomy - nodes negative, Da Vinci radical hysterectomy- close anterior margin/LVSI/PNI, restaged to 2A1 (2A1 on new FIGO)
  • Apr/May 17: 6 chemo, 25 external radio, 2 brachy
  • May 20:  NED.  Side effects notably hypotonic bladder since hysterectomy - ongoing ISC, unilateral lymphoedema lower abdo/groin/leg/ankle/foot
Rubyshoes

Hi Jazza

thanks for your reply and so sorry to hear you have been on this horrid journey :( but glad to see that you have come out the other side NED is certainly something I hope to add to my signature one day 

yeh my husband has been amazing, he puts up with me constantly asking if he is ok even though it infuriates him 😂 at some point I will probably focus on the staging and treatment and worry and get scared about that but honestly it just doesn't feel real at the minute...

 

26/11/20 colposcopy + biopsy. Mass found but no further info given.

2/12/20 - diagnosed with squamous cell CC 

4/12/20 MRI scan 

10/12/20 appt with consultant - stage 2b - 3cm tumour with no apparent lymph node involvement 

19/12 - pet scan 

30/12 Pet Scan appears to be clear. internal examination doesn't show any different

 4/1 curve ball - doctor adv it's possible it's only 1b1 offered choice of RH or chemo/rads adv likely have to have chemo/rads after RH anyway so decided on chemo/rads

6/1 oncologist 1st appointment 

14/1 radiotherapy planning scan

 

Mrs E

Hi

Sorry you find yourself in this club. You may feel numb, shock, and at some point angry.

Once you know a stage and have a

treatment plan you can focus and gather your strength, there are many succsess stories. Try not to over google!

Im currently undergowing treatment. Your consultant will  make a treament plan taylor made for you, everyone is different.

Take care for now and let us know how you get on :)

Zoe

2 years going to GP told i had ovarian cyst. Sep 2020 -

managed to get an ultra sound,  OCT 2020 - lletz  CT & MRI comfirmed CC 3b with lymph node involvment.

Under going treatment. 6 cisplatin 28 radio 3 Brachy

Cagney

Oh Rubyshoes - it's a horrible shock, and you're in limbo now waiting for more detail. I've got everything crossed for you it's very early stage and easy to treat. 

And in the middle of this bloody pandemic is absolutely the worst time to find out! As if the world isn't already spinning on the wrong axis! And having to attend appointments on your own is a sod. I found out in October, and I'm due a hysterectomy after Christmas. And it is a massive roller coaster! I've been all over the place! And when I think I'm handling it all pretty well, I collapse in a heap and bawl like a baby. 

At least you're here and there's pleny of us who have a damned good idea what you're going through, and plenty of support and information to help you through it. 

Be kind to yourself, you will feel what you feel and there's no right or wrong. Do what you need to do to cope. I found that telling everyone has helped me, my colleagues, and friends. If they all know about it it avoids awkwardness, but that suits me. And it helps me feel a little less out of control. Whatever you need to do is the right thing for you. 

 

High grade CIN and CGIN, endocervical adenocarcinoma grade 2 stage 1.

Abdominal hysterectomy BSO 30 Dec 2020.

More Information

Cervical cancer