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Not a good night!! :(

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Sarapup
Sarapup's picture
Not a good night!! :(

Hi Ladies.

first, thank you to those of you who reached out to me in private msgs. i really appreciate it. I'm not a very pleasant girl tonight, so i apologize in advance, but i needed somewhere to turn, so here I am.

I had my treatment plan meeting today. Had the results of my scans. No lymph involvement. YAAAY!!! so that is great news, however the tumor is bigger than they thought. its is extending to the pelvic wall and is considered stage 3b. so .... they said that difference is arbitrary and i shouldn't be anymore worried, but how can i not be?? and I KNOW GOOGLE IS NOT MY FRIEND, but the "5 year survival" at stage 3b is like 38% !!!!!
Anyway... as you can tell, i'm freaking out again. I was ok earlier, but now i'm not. On top of this, it seems everyone around me is allowed to "deal with their emotions about this in their own ways" EXCEPT FOR ME!!!!!
I sick of having to be F*@King pleasant and positive and not bite peoples heads off!!! I want to scream and yell and swear and cry and be allowed to, damn it!! sorry. This is not a good night. :(

 

  • November 2016 - diagnosed probable    stage 2b (tumor extended into left parametrium).
  • Dec. 5 - MRI
  • Dec. 7 - CT scan
  • Dec 13 - treatment plan meeting .....

    DETERMINED TO KICK THIS THING'S ASS!!!

Tivoli
Tivoli's picture

Hi Sarapup :-)

OK, so I have explained this thing before a long time ago and I hope I can do it again. The 5-year survival rate is NOT a probability that you, an individual, will survive.
For starters, in order to collect this data all of it is over five years old. Some of it is very old but advances in treatment are happening all the time and so survival rates are improving all the time.
Also, these data do not take into consideration WHY those women did not turn up to their 5-year oncology appointment. They may have been 98 years of age at diagnosis. They may have died of any number of other causes. They may have moved away from the place where they were diagnosed. They may have been so completely and utterly knowing that they were fully cured that they stopped attending hospital. 

I could so easily not bother going to my appointments but I do simply to keep the data perky.

So, please don't think that this means that you have only a 38% probability of living for another five years because it means absolutely nothing of the sort. Chemo rads has been known to cure a stage 4 so it can certainly cure a 3b :-)

Be lucky :-)
Tivoli

TeresaF.

Hi Sarapup:

Just wanted to agree with Tiv about statistics. Even my doctor says that they are way out of date due to recent improvements in treatment. I know you've heard this before, but if you have to have cancer, CC is the one to have: treatable and curable, which can't, unfortunately, be said about some others. 

Try not to Google any more. Once you've read something it can stay in your head, despite what anyone says to contradict it and it's not going to help.

As for "dealing with it in your own way", who the hell is telling you that you can't? I'm all for putting on a brave face in front of children or elderly parents, but everyone else? No way. A diagnosis is scary and frightening so you need to do  anything that makes you feel better or more able to cope. People are supposed to be supporting you, not the other way round. You can always jump on here for a vent too. 

Take care,

t xx

24 March 16  Annual smears up to date. First abnormal pap.

14 April 16  Cone biopsy plus D&C under GA. 

28 April 16 Staged 1A1. Microinvasive adenocarcinoma. Biopsy had removed  tumour, but CIN 2 in situ. Clear margins, clear uterus. Hysterectomy booked.

10 May 16  CT Scan and XRay clear - yay!

23 May 16 Simple hysterectomy, excluding ovaries

26 May 16 Biopsy of cervix revealed a skip lesion/further tumour ( 2mm x 6mm) higher up. Uterus clear. Still classed as 1a1 so treatment will be 6 monthly check ups.

1st June 16 PET scan clear. Yay!!

13 Dec 16 - first check up.  All good.  Yay!

10th May 17 - 2nd check up. All good. Yay!

Traveler81

So sorry.... and you should let it all out! Go home and scream in your house. If it helps let your aggression out:) 

Did you have abnormal pap or did your pap show cancer from the start? 

12 January 2016 - Results: High Grade Abnormal Cells / HPV+

25 January 2016 - Colposcopy/Biopsy

2 February 2016 - Biopsy showed no dysplasia/no hpv changes (although Dr. saw via Colpo). Inflammation of cervix/polyps. HPV16 positive. Repeat pap in 12 months. 

February/March 2017 - All Clear. Normal Pap. HPV Neg. 

Sarapup
Sarapup's picture

Hi traveller.

 Thanks for the kind words. I had an abnormal smear and they could physically see a lesion in my cervix. I hadn't had a smear for over 7 years...... I'll never skip one again , I'll promise ya that!! 

xo

 

 

 

  • November 2016 - diagnosed probable    stage 2b (tumor extended into left parametrium).
  • Dec. 5 - MRI
  • Dec. 7 - CT scan
  • Dec 13 - treatment plan meeting .....

    DETERMINED TO KICK THIS THING'S ASS!!!

Sarapup
Sarapup's picture

Hi traveller.

 Thanks for the kind words. I had an abnormal smear and they could physically see a lesion in my cervix. I hadn't had a smear for over 7 years...... I'll never skip one again , I'll promise ya that!! 

xo

 

 

 

  • November 2016 - diagnosed probable    stage 2b (tumor extended into left parametrium).
  • Dec. 5 - MRI
  • Dec. 7 - CT scan
  • Dec 13 - treatment plan meeting .....

    DETERMINED TO KICK THIS THING'S ASS!!!

Rhea82
Rhea82's picture

Hi Sarapup,

No-one has the right to tell anyone how to process their emotions. You do what you need to to fight! 

If you ever need to vent I am always around and you can always find me on facebook as I appreciate sometimes you need more instant access to support.

Does Jo's have a fb closed group for more immediate support?! X

 

Bleeding started May 2016 during pregnancy - told cervix is "angry"

Nov 16th 2016 - referral for colposcopy due to continued bleeding 9 weeks post partum

Nov 23rd 2016 - mass found during colposcopy

2nd Dec 2016 diagnosed stage 2b grade 2 squamous cell cervical cancer with node involvement.

19th Dec 2016 PET scan and EUA showed no further spread

21st Dec letter arrives stating cancer in both parametrium plus posterior vaginal fornix and both common and iliac nodes. 

17th Jan chemoradiation starts - 28 radiation, 5 cisplatin chemotherapy

carmel121

I have advanced cancer and I'm still here a year on and my treatment has made my tumour that was the size of a grapefruit become nothing but traces of cancer so if I can do it you can.....don't google because soon you'll have yourself convinced that your growing another head with the stuff that's on there! Any questions come to use we have been there done it and got the t shirt and possibly still going through it! I know I am (other issues to do with my cancer).

re your feelings and being told you can't feel....who ever has said that needs to shut up and put on their big pants because being snapped at isn't anything compared to what your going through and are going to go through! Your emotions are going to be all over the place - mine still are - and your going to scream, cry, beg, shout and speak to people in the wrong way but do you know what? What I say is so fucking what! I'm trying to deal with what's going on with me the best I can and sometimes I feel like being an absolute bitch and I'm not going to apologise for it! And why should you....let them walk a day in your shoes and then they'll understand xx

HarleeKwin

Sarapup 

Trust me I've tried the positive pleasant everything is ok way thinking I can keep strong that way and not worry anyone. This way does NOT WORK. Since then I've cried screamed moaned to tivoli and Lolli and phileepa on here then slept for a whole day wishing people would leave me alone. Took me a while and alot of tivoli and others repeating themselves.....but! You need your strength for this journey it's not easy and I'm just halfway through mine. You do what you need to do emotionally and it doesn't matter who or what others think. You have to deal with ityour way. If going home and swearing at the kettle because its not boiling quick enough is what you wanna do then do it! I'm not an expert don't claim to be but keeping up the facade uses up the energy you need for your treatment and you end up overexhausted. Honey if you wanna scream abs swear do it. You need to release all the pent up emotions. I found out the hard way.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you 

HarleeKwin 

Do keep in touch xxx

Didn't get colp til 2nd Nov told was cc stage 2 @least&inoperable as 4cm tumour

18th Nov staging op with biopsies told stage 2b now 6-8cm and spreading to lining

17th December 2017

Am in remission! 

Thank you everyone xxx

Scans needed as Dr believes I have bone cancer fingers crossed hope he's wrong! 

More Information

Cervical cancer