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first, thank you to those of you who reached out to me in private msgs. i really appreciate it. I'm not a very pleasant girl tonight, so i apologize in advance, but i needed somewhere to turn, so here I am.
I had my treatment plan meeting today. Had the results of my scans. No lymph involvement. YAAAY!!! so that is great news, however the tumor is bigger than they thought. its is extending to the pelvic wall and is considered stage 3b. so .... they said that difference is arbitrary and i shouldn't be anymore worried, but how can i not be?? and I KNOW GOOGLE IS NOT MY FRIEND, but the "5 year survival" at stage 3b is like 38% !!!!!
Anyway... as you can tell, i'm freaking out again. I was ok earlier, but now i'm not. On top of this, it seems everyone around me is allowed to "deal with their emotions about this in their own ways" EXCEPT FOR ME!!!!!
I sick of having to be F*@King pleasant and positive and not bite peoples heads off!!! I want to scream and yell and swear and cry and be allowed to, damn it!! sorry. This is not a good night. :(
DETERMINED TO KICK THIS THING'S ASS!!!