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Don't know how to tell my family

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Don't know how to tell my family

Pretty sure I have cancer now. I made an appt for the 23rd of this month but I'm so paranoid bc I had oral as well as anal sex and think of the cells spreading their too. 

I get thoughts of suicide bc I don't want to die by cancer. I want to have some control over my life... I want to die on my own terms. 


If anyones been in my head space how did you stay alive? My diagnoses won't get better the cancer is just going to spread. I have hpv 16 and 18. These cant be cleared.


Hi Cecylia your little boy needs you. It"s good that you have made an appointment to deal with your physical symptoms - now you need help dealing with your emotions. HPV CAN be suppressed into dormancy. 80% of people have it. You must talk to someone about how you are feeling, a counsellor, your gp, Jo's helpline, the Samaritans, MacMillan.   You are not alone and you can get through this. The whole covid lockdown thing is not helping at the moment. Look at the advice on the web pages on looking after your mental health. Think about your son - he needs you and needs you to love yourself and take care of yourself. 


1st ever abnormal smear hpv & severe high grade dyskaryosis August 2019 lletz September 2019 polyp & nabothian cyst found Results hpv & mild cell changes polyp innocent Repeat colposcopy Dec 2019 test of cure January 2020 results of test of cure; no high risk HPV present , check up colposcopy appointment in June because of the discrepancy between initial smear & lletz result - June 2020 repeat colposcopy & pap - all clear - discharged from hospital - next smear in 3 yrs Back again August 2020 following post menopausal bleed; more tests! Turned out to be hormonal/menopause related but they also discovered a small ovarian cyst which they will check again in 4 months; cyst was not related to bleeding

Debbie Kilmister

Hi Cecylia, 

I am Debbie the Support Services Manager at Jo's Trust. 

I have sent you a private message that I hope you will see and reply to but I would also like to signpost you to our HPV pages to try and put your mind at rest https://www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv

I hope to hear from you soon. 

With all best wishes


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Moving forward from a cancer dignosis