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So I got a letter today after having my smear test on Monday of this week, HPV found (which I expected) and high-grave (severe) dyskaryosis (which I absolutely did not expect).
I think I'd be able to remain calm if I'd been keeping up with my smear tests, but I haven't. Back when I was 18 I was having gynae problems, and my Mum, having worked as a nurse, pulled some strings and forced them to do a smear test on me. I'd become sexually active quite early so she was keen that it get checked. The results came back abnormal. But I also had genital warts at the time so I didn't think too much of it. I think they did a biopsy? I don't really recall. As an 18 year old I was more concerned with the genital warts. Anyway, after that they wanted to check me every 6 months. I did that, for maybe a couple of years.
But then I found myself suffering from what turned out to be Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and I just didn't have the energy to keep up with my smear tests. Long story short, it had been 10 years since my last smear test. I finally decide to have one, and this is the result. I'm feeling so scared, stupid, and restless. I just can't seem to settle. My brain is whirling with "what if it's been cooking these past 10 years?", "what if it's too late?"
The main symptoms (aside from back pain and I put that down to my EDS) just weren't a problem for me. In my early 20's I did bleed for literally 8 or 9 months straight, but I got diagnosed with PCOS so we assumed it was just an imbalance. Whenever I'm on the combined pill, my periods are "normal". I came off the combined pill late last year and I've only had two periods since then, both light. But I also gained a LOT of weight since my mid 20's, so I figured again, PCOS. Despite only having periods maybe twice in the past 10 months of so I was getting a lot of symptoms of period without it showing up, and spasms in my cervix. I put it down to PCOS again. I've also had really bad pain in both my bowel and bladder when I do have my period (it seriously makes me scream), but when I'm not on it doesn't happen. Though, I did have it happen when I was having cervical spasms but no bleeding.
Also more recently, I found myself unable to use tampons any more. My cervix was sitting way too low to be able to wear them. And perhaps the past 5 or so years any pressure on my lower abdomen has been very painful (I had an ultrasound a year or two ago that was so painful I could have lamped the poor technician! They ended up having to do it internally anyway, as they always do. Pain for nothing!).
Basically a lot of neither here nor there symptoms that to me, didn't tally with cervical cancer at all. But now I've got this result I'm petrified that all these gynae symptoms I've put down to PCOS or my EDS and been ignoring have been these cells in my cervix changing and getting worse. I'm 30 now, and since this morning I can't stop crying at my stupidity. I'm terrified my missing the smears, ignoring symptoms, means it's already developed into cancer and I can't stop crying.
I know this is really stupid... but I can't seem to stop. I know no one can tell me if I do or don't have cancer... but with this information in mind, has anyone had similar? I just can't rest. I'm so scared.
 forgot to say they've told me I need to book in for colposcopy and i'm really nervous. EDS sometimes means that local anaesthetics don't work. Add into that for some reason I'm extremely squeamish about genital things, I can sit and watch an autopsy while I eat my dinner, but anything to do with vaginas and I go green!