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Non stop worrying

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Rachel1888
Non stop worrying

Hi,

I’ve posted in this group twice since receiving my smear results a few weeks ago. 

My smear showed mild dyskariosis which I know to a lot of women on here is no big deal and could be a lot worse. That said any abnormality is scary. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it because last April my smear showed HPV but no changes. I also fell pregnant and so my immune system probably struggled to fight any virus. After birth I was really unwell and ended up with a cold sore and mastitis. 

I went alone for my colposcopy yesterday. The consultant was lovely and he was very dismissive of it being anything to worry about. He asked me about my last period and i told him it had only just come back after having my baby. I also started Microgynon and bled non stop. In fact I’m still bleeding now. Again he told me they wouldn’t be anything to do with my cervix and told me to come off the pill until my periods became regular again.

During the colposcopy he saw two small white areas at the top of my cervix and took 1 biopsy. I was in and out in 15 mins which surprised me. Afterwards he told me ‘it’s not cancer’ and when I asked about grading he said he wouldn’t even think cin1. He said I’d need a follow up in 6 months. Obviously I felt elated when I left but as time passes the anxiety continues. The bleeding continues but like I said don’t know if this is the pill plus biopsy. I have stopped the pill now so could be a withdrawal bleed. I’ve also woken up today full of a cold and a friendly cold sore has planted itself on my top lip. I have two girls 20 months and 4 months to look after and I’m always exhausted. I’m worried I’ll never fight off this stupid HPV because I’m always stressed. I’m also a social worker so when I go back to work after Mat leave I know my stress levels will rocket again. 

 

I suppose I’m writing this to vent. As good as my partner is he just doesn’t seem to get it. He always says what are you worrying about, nothing bad has been said. I know he is right but who doesn’t worry about anything abnormal. I just don’t want the biopsy results to show something completely different and throw me into an anxious orbit. I’ve read stories on here of girls who were told one thing at colposcopy and received a totally diff result after biopsy. In some ways maybe it’d be better if they didn’t say anything! 

First smear @ 25 - normal 

Second smear 04/2018 - positive HPV no changes

Third smear  07/2019 - HPV positive and low grade changes 

09/2019 Colposcopy, 1 biopsy possible CIN1

Lotty9000

Hi Rachel

I think it’s only natural to worry,so don’t feel bad for doing so. I also think you’re right when you say your body has struggled to fight the HPV virus, pregnancy reduces your immune system so this could impact and then looking after 2 small children is hard going and there is never time to look after yourself. Have you tried a multivitamin? If you’re breastfeeding then make sure you get one that’s suitable. Also it’ll take a few weeks for your body to settle down after stopping the pill and with the biopsy that may cause discharge/light bleeding for a few weeks. Try not to panic.

The great thing is that the doctor you saw thinks very minor changes, that’s good. Even if it’s a bit worse than he thinks I suspect the worse would be a lletz/leep proceedure to remove the abnormal cells. Again try not to worry,it’s hard as your mind can go into overdrive. Put the biopsy to the back of your mind while you wait (I know easier said than done) and enjoy your babies.

xxxxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

29/8/19 Total Laproscopic hysterectomy with ovarian conservation.

26/9/19 pathology confirms NED:-)

Rachel1888

Thank you Lotty. I really really am trying but I’m just struggling so much psychologically to process everything that’s been going on. Perhaps I need a trip to the gp although last time I went the dr I saw made me feel 10 times worse. Ah to be a woman ! 

First smear @ 25 - normal 

Second smear 04/2018 - positive HPV no changes

Third smear  07/2019 - HPV positive and low grade changes 

09/2019 Colposcopy, 1 biopsy possible CIN1

Lotty9000

You’re doing great! You’re allowed to feel stressed by it all, it’s a rollercoaster. 

Hopefully all will be well 

xxxxx

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

29/8/19 Total Laproscopic hysterectomy with ovarian conservation.

26/9/19 pathology confirms NED:-)

Rachel1888

Thank you. I feel stupid for even writing anything when I can see what kind of journey you’ve been on. Hope you are doing ok And recovering well xx

First smear @ 25 - normal 

Second smear 04/2018 - positive HPV no changes

Third smear  07/2019 - HPV positive and low grade changes 

09/2019 Colposcopy, 1 biopsy possible CIN1

Lotty9000

Don’t feel daft! Everyone’s concerns and fears are totally valid,regardless of what journey the have been on. ❤️

11th March 2019- 1st ever abnormal smear. (Never missed a smear)

1st May 2019 - Colposcopy with LLETZ

9th May 2019 - diagnosis ?1B Villoglandular adenocarcinoma 

22nd and 23rd May 2019 - MRI/CT

29th May - MDT meeting. MRI/CT clear. Amount of tumour 1A stage.

13th June 2nd LLETZ with top hat procedure 

3rd July Confirmed staging 1A1, clear margins on 2nd LLETZ. Scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy, keeping ovaries.

29/8/19 Total Laproscopic hysterectomy with ovarian conservation.

26/9/19 pathology confirms NED:-)

More Information

Abnormal cervical cells and treatment

Read about HPV