Can I adopt?

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Klaw25
Can I adopt?

Hi everyone 

My husband and I have started to look into adoption but have been told by a couple of places that we will have to wait for 5 years before we can start the process. I had chemoradiation and I have been all clear since March 2016. Does anybody have any advice/know anything about whether or not this is the case? Unfortunately surrogacy isn't an option for us so we were really counting on adoption so I'm just feeling a bit deflated by it all :-(

Thank you xx

Hazel1983

Hi Klaw,

I'm really sorry that this is the response your have had from a few places. Like you, adoption is my only realistic chance of ever being a mum.I haven't explored this yet but just wanted to give you some encouragement to keep going and challenge the authorities.

It really infuriates me that some places say you have to wait 5 years because in my opinion this is discrimination and reinforces that because we have had cancer we need to live in limbo 'what if it does come back', when really you try your best to put it behind you and move on.

I completely understand that as parents people must be fit and healthy to care for a child but on the other hand somebody could adopt and thereafter be diagnosed with cancer, not that I would wish that on anybody. 

Stay strong and it will all work out

x

Klaw25

Hi

Thank you that means a lot to hear. I wasn't sure whether it would be a blanket rule but I you are right I need to challenge them on it. I really felt like the person I spoke to didn't fully understand cancer at all. She said that if I had had my cervix removed by hysterectomy they might be able to consider me!! Not sure what that has to do with anything! I think I might speak to my oncologist too and see if she would agree to writing a letter for me to show adoption agencies. 

Thanks again and I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties too. We will get there it's a just a long road. 

x

Beau81

 

Hi Klaw

 

I'm so sorry you have had this response. This has not been our reality but our journey did require meeting the managers who make decisions face to face and re-educating people.

 

My husband and I were almost at the end of the adoption application when I received my diagnosis. This did make a difference but the lessons we learnt will hopefully be useful for you.

 

As part of the process (pre-diagnosis), it was important to demonstrate that we had come to terms with not having a biological child of our own and had grieved this loss. Adoption is different from having your own biological child but I would argue the experience for us has been the most exciting, exhausting and joyful journey we have had the privilege to embark upon.

 

My consultants were fantastic advocates for me. Their medical report ensured accurate information was provided to the medical assessors during our process. At panel, I was challenged again and I replied that 1 in 3 people will affected by cancer at some point in their life. I have already been affected by cancer, am still here and will be in the future! However, until the consultants agreed a positive prognosis, social services were not happy to continue. We didn’t use an adoption agency, instead we were approved through a council service. Again, I think this was useful.

 

Did we wait longer – yes. Did we have to fight – yes. Was it worth it – yes. I would not be here if it wasn’t for the dream of having a LO in my home. It was the thought of parenting a LO with my symptoms which made me go and talk to my GP and identified the tumour.

 

Our LO came home 11months after treatment. The process took us 18months. If you would like any further support, please feel free to PM.

 

Love and prayers x

Dec 05 PCOS

Jun 15 Irregular bleed

Jul 15 Pipelle endometrial biopsy

Jul 15 Hysteroscopy biopsy  cervix

Aug 15 Endocervical adenocarcinoma 1b1

Aug 15 MRI CT scans

Sept 15 Simple hysterectomy + lymphnodes

Aug 17 Still clear

More Information

Living with the side effects of cervical cancer