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Hi, i'm new here. To be honest, i don't know where else to go or who to talk to.
It has been 6 years since i was first diagnosed with cervical cancer and am "all clear" which is incredible. I was diagnosed as stage 2b2 and was advised that delaying my treatment for egg collection would not be the best option. ultimately i know this was the right decision and I rationalised the situation by believing that i couldn't be a mother if i was dead. I dont regret this decision but im finding it hard to live with. if that makes sense?
i am fortunate to have friends who do not have children (by choice) and of course i have friends and family who do have children. I always enjoy spending time with the kids and i had been fine for such a long time.
I have a friend who i have known for the last 24 years, we were once best friends. There are a series of things she has said to me that have made me distance myself from her. This was the start of my downward spiral with a comment she made 18 months ago. since then i feel like i am unravelling slowly. I think this is impacted by the fact i cant show my emotion. I have shed tears twice in the last 6 years and it was just tears - i want to sob and nothing comes out, i feel like im being strangled.
This was my trigger : My "friend" was telling me how desperate her and her boyfriend were to start a family and that it was " easy" for me because i know i couldn't have children. i quickly and calmly corrected her, informing that is is not "easy" and that it is something that i have had to accept. 4 months later she texts me on my birthday saying " my gift to you is that you can tell everyone i'm pregnant!"....... not an appropriate gift for any infertile woman!
Since then i have been more sensitive about my childless situation.
I am single and have been dumped fairly quickly once i tell them i cant have children - on more than 3 occasions. i dont think this has helped me.
sorry this has been an epic waffle!
does anyone else understand how i feel? or been through similar? or am i just nuts?