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Everything has hit home after 2 years

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LauraJane
LauraJane's picture
Everything has hit home after 2 years

Hello Everyone

 

It has been a long while since I have posted on the forum as I have been trying to hard to get on with my 'new normal' life.

In brief .. I was diagnosed with stage 1b2 cervical cancer in August 2012, exactly one week before my Wedding Day (yes very poor timing indeed). The Wedding went ahead and 2 weeks later I went into hospital for my RH with lymph node dissection, luckily the nodes were all clear. As I recovered from the surgery, so my emotions seemed to get worse, I felt slightly robbed of my wedding day and the shock of having cancer hit home. This forum was absolutely wonderful and I received some very sound advice that helped me move forward... hence me seeking some help this time.

Since then I have thrown myself into life, furthered my career, socialised like never before, lost all my post op weight and basically kept myself very busy indeed...whilst all my close friends carried on having babies... then 4-5 weeks ago things started to come crumbling down. At first I put it down to those nasty hormones.. as I was a bit weepy, irritable etc then when I went for my last 4 month check up things took a turn for the worst although it was all clear Laughing I went home and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and thats pretty much what I have been doing since, either been snappy and irriitable or sobbing. I have also been getting incredible headaches and generally feeling unwell. I reluctantly took myself off to my GP who although is doing blood tests basically told me that I have been super human for 2 years and now its time to be human and that he believes I am grieving for not being able to have any children (i must add I have two beautiful teenage girls.. having had my children very young). I'm off work at the moment as I cannot seem to get the motivation to get off the sofa and get dressed which is not like me, I have always taken pride in myself in being able to pick myself up and get on with it... but I dont seem to be able to this time Cry

I would be so grateful so to hear from any of you wonderful ladies? As i dont want to spiral down any further!  Either with some advice or if you have experienced anything similar?

 

Laura xx

  

[color=#ff40bf]Age 32 Abnormal smear- severe glandular changes LLETZ treatment and womb biopsies Diagnosed 1B2 cervical cancer 27/09/12 - Radical Hysterectomy with lymph node dissesction 10/10/12 - Given All Clear[/color]

Cheryl D

Hi Laura

So so sorry to read what you are going through.  You have coped with everything so brilliantly to date and it sounds like the stress of the whole experience has finally surfaced and come tumbling out.  It is an awful time that we go through and it's almost like we are expected to carry on as normal afterwards but we don't feel like that.  By keeping super busy you may have been suppressing all the emotional side of it but I guess sooner or later it will come out like it has done now.

I get 'down' times too but I don't keep myself as busy as you have been doing so I guess the feelings don't build up as much.  It sounds like you are mentally exhausted at the moment and need plenty of tlc and rest.  Did your GP mention anything about counselling as I feel this would be a real help in this situation.  Alternatively what about getting in touch with your CNS and talking to them about it, they may be the best people to arrange counselling in this instance.

This time will pass, it will seem very bleak at the moment but you will get lots of support off this site which will help.  Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.  You've been through a massive thing and none of us are so super human that it won't affect us emotionally.

I would urge you to contact someone about the counselling but in the meantime please don't hesitate to PM me if you want to 'chat' anytime.  I check my messages regularly so won't be far away.

Big hugs

Cheryl,xx

2nd Sept 13 - told had Cervical Cancer

9th Sept 13 - MRI (stage later confirmed 1b1)

8th Oct 13 - Radical Hysterectomy (vertical incision) ovaries removed

16th Oct 13 - Readmitted with high temperature

19th Oct 13 - Collection/abscess identified, image guided drainage performed

25th Oct 13 - Emergency op for drainage of abscess

Informed whilst in hospital that no cancer was found in the lymph nodes and the margins were clear.

 

Tivoli
Tivoli's picture

Hi Laura,

I suffered a nose-dive too some while after the whole super-human bit. I went and found a terrific counsellor who had been a Macmillan nurse. I cannot recommend it strongly enough. I am now the most confident person I have ever been throughout my whole life. And you probably won't have to search for one yourself!

Go well

Tivoli

 

1rachiebum

Hi Laura

Your further on then me im waiting for my results im post op of radical hysterectomy 3 weeks and 4 days and i had to comment back to you.. feel for you xx... I actually went to the cancer unit at my hospital and saw a therapist before i went for my op. I told her how id been feeling just how your describing ( i felt in a dark place) and she said i was grieving that i will never have children. it is so hard as my friends too are having babies and i know i can never have that experience or pass my genes on hurts so much. maybe this could help you? to talk to a stranger? everyones different and copes in different ways but she kind of made sense and said it will pass. Im sure your a strong woman at heart but ive learnt having this doesnt effect you just physically but mentally and draining. I work in this field aswel and its opened my eyes so much to what people go through. I think if you could talk to someone you may feel a little better? Im going to my first Jos support group tomorrow and for some reson feeling sa little nervous i think because having to talk about it to people who could be in a worse way then me? i dont know... I think in time it will get better its just waiting for it. Hope you feel better soon hun here to talk hope in anyway i can help xxx

Rachel

had no symptoms other then eurosion of the womb...1st smear test at 24.... colposcopy... biopsys...stage 1b1...clear cell cervix...radical hysterectomy.. waiting for results

patlini

Laura

thank you for posting this, as you have basically summed up how i'm feeling at the moment.

like others have stated i'm looking for counselling as i feel i need it to help me cope/process everything i've been through.

Pat

25/5/2013 Smear (as part of Health assessment) in between smear intervals 7/6/13 Smear results told of abnomalities - Severe dyskaryosis 10/6/13 Colposcopy 21/6/13 CC Diagnosed Stage 1B 26/6/13 MRI 4/7/13 MRI results - Adenocarcinoma 1B1 14/8/13 rad hys & ovary removal 5/9/13 ALL CLEAR

salamoenti

Hi Laura I was officially diagnosed last year September, had CC stage 1B, had a radical hysterectomy November 27th. Had lymph nodes removed from the left groin, all was ok. Had little hiccups after with swelling, possible lymphoedema (still)! I was so strong, & then about 2 mnths ago had massive wobblies, angry outbursts & just pissed off with everyting!! So I definitely think that it comes like an after shock or something!!! Not a good way to be!! All the best, I just tried to keep busy, spend time with close friends & do more for me! All the best xxxxxxxxxxxx

More Information

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