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No more babies - so hard to take on board

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Henrah
No more babies - so hard to take on board

I loved having my baby back in July and feel so grateful for him .
I always assumed it was my call if I wanted more . To have this taken away from me is breaking my heart .
No more pregnancy experience and newborn experience
I feel so jealous of others who can have this.
Am thinking about adopting but it's not the same
Really struggling with these feelings of loss of this experience xx

 

November 2015 abnormal smear followed by colposcopy and loop cone biopsy

December 2015 CC 1b1 diagnosed 

February 2016 Radical Trachelectomy

March 2016 told microscopic cancer cells were found in one lymph node - recommended further treatment (chemo/radio)

April 2016 froze 9 embryos. Considering potential surrogacy

June 2016 5 chemo 28 radiotherapy . Not easy esp with a baby who wakes early but im getting better 

 

xxdollyxx
xxdollyxx's picture

Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from. 

I didn't particularly want children at the time and don't have any but now the choice has been taken away from me it haunts me on a daily basis. I am 34 and had a radical keyhole hysterectomy. They kept my ovaries but like you, found a microscopic cell in one node. I was advised to have chemo and radio which I had. The treatment killed my ovaries. 

I struggle to hear about friends who are pregnant/just given birth etc. I know there's nothing I can do about it but the pain is real. I feel like a failure to my boyfriend. however when I think like this, I try and say to myself that I am lucky to still be here. But I totally understand what you are saying...contact me if you ever want to chat.

sophie xx

7/7/14 diagnosed with cc

MRI showed no spread

20/8/14 radical laparascopic hysterectomy with conservation of ovaries. Histology showed microscopic cell in one of nine nodes removed and LVSI present, so radio chemo combo starting 20/10/14. Triggered menopause  - ovaries damaged from treatment :-(

January 2016 Pain in groin, buttocks, tailbone, legs and slight bleed post sex. CT scan and colposcopy.

February 2016 Diagnosed with lymphaedema in left thigh, groin and pelvis. Awaiting bone scan to check for osteoporosis. 

May 2016 Osteopenia confirmed.  Prescribed HRT. 

September 2016 On to four monthly check ups :-)

izzy1984

Hello Henrah, I've just been diagnosed 1b1 2 weeks ago and was told my best treatment option is a radical hysterestomy- scheduled for last week of March or early April. I know this means no more babies at 32 years old. Although I have a ten year old daughter and thought all along I dont want to have more, still I felt sad and heartbroken.

However, still thankful that I was once given the chance to have a baby and now my goal is just to recover and live long and healthy for her. I always believe there's a reason for everything that happens. Please know that you are not alone in this struggle. Hang in there and enjoy every moment with your little one.

Sending you lots of hugs and positivity.

xoxo,

izzy

 

Suzysooz
Suzysooz's picture

Izzy,

What a lovely positive post x

June 2012 - borderline changes, review in 6 months

Dec 2012 - clear smear, annual smears recommended

Dec 2013 - coulda shoulda woulda... Missed smear

Jan 2015 - colposcopy and LLETZ. CIN3 removed with clear margins. 

July 2015 - High grade repeat smear.

Oct 2015 - LLETZ under GA - awaiting results

Bethhouli

I completely share this heart break with you. My husband and I were planning to start trying for our fourth this month and instead I will have a radical hysterectomy. The timing could Not be more ironic. I know I have three healthy kids and I am very lucky and everyone keeps saying this to me, but it wasnt our plan and i truly am mourning the loss of it. Lately this has been the toughest part of my diagnosis. Even more than the terror of the cancer. But I am going to fight hard for my three young boys. Please feel free to message me, I totally get the feelings you are experiencing. I hope you and I both come to peace with it.

Sweet pea

I totally get this. I have a toddler who I am thankful for every single day, but the heartache at the loss of any future children is physically painful. I am at an age where all of my friends are having their firt or second baby and it just seems to be everywhere.

my two best friends are currently pregnant, I am really happy for them but equally jealous and overwhelmingly sad for myself. I don't know what I will do when the babies arrive. 

I was out last week with my little one and some random woman said "oh mummy will have to have another baby for you" - because I don't already feel guilty enough that they won't have a sibling, that I can't give my husband another child, that I feel less of a woman. I know she meant nothing by it but it felt like i had been punched in the stomach. 

Sorry for rambling, just wanted you to know that you're not alone xx

Charlou

Hi Henrah,

Im 23 years of age currently waiting for my radio/chemo and brachytherapy. I am struggling too to the fact i want be able to have anymore children as i know i am still ovulating. If you would like someone to talk to im more than happy to speak to you about my emotions im stage 3 CC x

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