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I don't know what to tell my partner

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Payton-G
I don't know what to tell my partner

Hi all:)

I am brand new to this forum and already the first post I read I related with on such a personal level. I am 20 years old and was diagnosed with HPV when I was 19. I am unsure how I got HPV since I got the vaccines before becoming sexually active and I have always used protection. Since I have found out about my HPV I have avoided being sexually active with anyone because I didn't want to put anyone through what I have been through. I had convinced myself that I would be okay going the rest of my life without being sexually active but I have recently started seeing someone and we both are ready to take it to the next level. The issue, though, is that she never got the HPV vaccine. She said she is going to get it, but it's a 6-month process and I know it's selfish of me but I don't want to wait that long. 

We have been talking a lot about my HPV recently and no matter how much she tells me that it's not something I should apologize for or be ashamed of I can't help myself. Thinking back on our relationship the last few months I can't help but notice all the times she held back because of my HPV and I can tell that she's scared. 

And if I'm being honest I'm scared too.

I go to my gynecologist every 6 months to get my smear test and every time I go back it's worse than the time before. I am only 20 years old and I am thinking about getting a hysterectomy because I don't want to deal with this anymore. And I certainly don't want to put someone else through this.

I know everyone says that HPV is incredibly common and not really something that we should worry about as much as we do because 80% of people will get it in their lifetime but I would be absolutely devastated if my partner got HPV from me and was just as unlucky as I have been with it. 

I would really love some advice on this. I am tired of feeling like my body is defective and am really needing support. I don't know how I am supposed to help my partner feel safe when I don't feel safe. What do I tell her? 

HockeyMilk

I guess just say it. they will know in your eyes if you are sincere or what. Good luck to you bud

LizTen

Hello Payton-G, from reading your post I would say that you have given her the facts, and if she really doesnt want to wait for the vaccine, then it is also her decision to want to take your relationship to the next level regardless of your HPV status.

 

I think you are also focusing too heavily on your own personal experience with HPV and allowing it to control your view of your relationship - 4 out of 5 people will have HPV at sometime in their lives - its nothing to feel dirty or ashamed of. Additionally tell her how you are feeling, and let her in. Let her support you. Let her help you on your journey with HPV and if she does happen to get it then at least you gave her the facts and allowed her to make the decision.

 

Also, a hysterectomy will not solve HPV - "a hysterectomy removes the cervix, which means that the risk of developing cervical cancer because of persistent HPV infection will essentially be eliminated. However, since HPV can also persist in cells of the vagina, a hysterectomy does not necessarily render you free of the virus." You are still young and your body just needs time to fight the HPV to make it dormant.