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new relationship after 7 years

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nichola31
new relationship after 7 years

Hi all, its been a long time since Ive posted on here, but its now 7 years since I started my treatment, with now 6 years all clear. I have recently started a new relationship, the first since my illness. I had always anticipated the physical sex would be the most difficult, however with a greeat gynae surgeon that part of it was, when I felt ready the easier part. My new beau knows about my experiences and has been very patient, I think he actually appreeciates what its taken for me to even think of entering into a relationship after being so guarded for years, and doesn't take it for granted. The problem Im having is my emotional reactions, which are totally different to what I would have been like before my illness. In truth I'm waiting for him to reject me, I'm readig way too much into times when I don't hear from him as much, in a sense I know I'm over reacting, I just was not prepared for the emotional impact, something I thought I had prepared myself for having had alot of counselling and qualifying myself as a counsellor. 

I never thought someone would want me after everything I had been through, and the fact that this man has openly accepted me has completley thrown me. Ofcourse it doesnt help when I have friends and family constantly asking me about our relationship - I know they are only happy for me, but at the same time I feel bombarded, theyve all supported me so much but at times it feels that that means I have to share details that should be private. Trying to establish boundaries is especially hard as I do need support in adjusting to having this really lovely guy in my life, but at the same time I think only those of us that has endured the trauma of treatment can comprehend how important it is to feel that your body or relationships are not everyones business. My fear is that I will push him away with my "extreme" moods, though in fairness he hasn't run for the hills just yet.

Has anyone else found themselves reacting like this, or similar?

 

Lots of Love

Nic

starlight22

Hi Nic

I have no similar experience. I am two years from treatment and am single (have been since diagnosis). I hope that I am able to have a relationship in years to come, and I get so much anxiety about how I will physically be able to have sex, so your story gives me great hope. 

As far as the emotional reaction you're having, well I would say that is completely understandable. I think if you're waiting for him to reject you, that's because maybe you're telling yourself that you're not good enough? Which you are! You deserve the best guy, and you need to start telling yourself that and beleiving it. I've been listening to Brene Brown podcasts (think it's called Daring Greatly) and it is so fantastic. 

Congrats on your new relationship. And ps I totally get the thing about privacy... it's so important after everything we have been through. I have a similar situation as my family and friends were with me every step of the way, adn I even felt at times, they knew too much haha, and I really had to get some privacy back after treatment.

Lots of love

xx

nichola31

Hi Starlight

Thankyou for your kind words, yes Im a great fan of Brene Brown and actually have the man in the arena speech up in my kitchen. Youre very right, the feeling of not being good enough, I never thought Id even consider a relationship, but the universe sent me someone, and after months of pretending we were only friends we finally were able to admit how we felt about eachother. Even a year ago I couldnt have foreseen it. I had always thought I would need reconstructive sugery in order to be intimate, however after a few prodcedures with a gynae surgeon that wereent too invasive or traumatising I can say that side of it has actually become enjoyable. I'm slowly learning that in order to move forward I have to be prepared to be vulnerable, which actually my new man seems to appreciate thanks goodness.

Hoping and wishing your recovery and healing brings you everything you want and deserve xxx

JanaNova

hi girls. reading this my heart skip the beat. I'm searching internet for cpl of weeks trying to find solution. Could you please tell me more about those little procedures? I'm 7years after my treatment. With new partner we trying to find way of getting intimate but after each intercourse doesn't matter how careful we are i end up bleeding for days and once in terrible pain.....please let me know your experience...I'm looking for hope of improvement...thank you 

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