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Hi all, its been a long time since Ive posted on here, but its now 7 years since I started my treatment, with now 6 years all clear. I have recently started a new relationship, the first since my illness. I had always anticipated the physical sex would be the most difficult, however with a greeat gynae surgeon that part of it was, when I felt ready the easier part. My new beau knows about my experiences and has been very patient, I think he actually appreeciates what its taken for me to even think of entering into a relationship after being so guarded for years, and doesn't take it for granted. The problem Im having is my emotional reactions, which are totally different to what I would have been like before my illness. In truth I'm waiting for him to reject me, I'm readig way too much into times when I don't hear from him as much, in a sense I know I'm over reacting, I just was not prepared for the emotional impact, something I thought I had prepared myself for having had alot of counselling and qualifying myself as a counsellor.
I never thought someone would want me after everything I had been through, and the fact that this man has openly accepted me has completley thrown me. Ofcourse it doesnt help when I have friends and family constantly asking me about our relationship - I know they are only happy for me, but at the same time I feel bombarded, theyve all supported me so much but at times it feels that that means I have to share details that should be private. Trying to establish boundaries is especially hard as I do need support in adjusting to having this really lovely guy in my life, but at the same time I think only those of us that has endured the trauma of treatment can comprehend how important it is to feel that your body or relationships are not everyones business. My fear is that I will push him away with my "extreme" moods, though in fairness he hasn't run for the hills just yet.
Has anyone else found themselves reacting like this, or similar?
Lots of Love