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Partner not supportive through LLETZ

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puzz1324
Partner not supportive through LLETZ

Hi all,

 

I want to start by apologising for complaining about an unsupportive boyfriend through CIN3 and LLETZ when some of you amazing, brave women are going through so much more. I am truly sorry if I have irritated anyone by complaining about something so relatively meaningless and if you feel that way, I am more than happy to delete this.

 

Basically I have been with my current boyfriend for just over 1.5 years and we live together. I had LLETZ 5 weeks ago for CIN3 and am still awaiting results which is causing me a lot of upset and worry. My partner has been really quite unsupportive throughout. He has prioritised going out with his friends and meeting up with them, even when he knows I want him around and I have told him. It's not like he would be out 2 nights a week either, he would be out nearly every night. He told me I am worrying too much and that I should get on and not let it interfere with my life. He told me I am leaning on him too much and that he wasn't coping with it (!!!) and went on to tell his mum absolutely everything that's going on in my life, including very private stuff he knew I wouldn't want anyone else to know (he is 25 btw). His response is usually along the lines of it'll all be fine, stop worrying. But how would he know? He has lived a very sheltered life and I think he is struggling to know how to respond, and I do think he is trying to learn from this experience, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating when time and time again I have to explain to him why this is upsetting and stressful. I don't think he's being intentionally selfish, I think he genuinely just doesn't get it.

 

Any advice appreciated x

meraud

Hiya

I think many 25 year old men would behave in a similar way. They are not emotionally mature enough to put aside their own fears and support you in the way that you wish. My ex husband was similar when our baby daughter was hospitalised many years ago (she was fine just an infection). He went out with his friends and got hammered and thought that was acceptable. However, I think this is a coping mechanism. Women like to talk about things but men deal with stress in a different way. I find they dont really want to talk things over. And he's probably thinking that if he can just get through the next few weeks then it will all be over and things will be fine. 

As for advice, I'm not sure i can be much use. Maybe try and get some emotional support from other women. As much as men have their uses and all that, I dont think they are the best people to talk things over with in these situations. 

I hope you get your results soon, i understand how horrible the waiting is.

xx 

 

 

  • 09/08/18. Positive smear - High grade (severe) dyskaryosis
  • 22/08/18. Colposcopy - CIN3
  • 14/09/18. Lletz - CIN3 with unclear margins
  • 07/12/18 Lletz  - CIN3 with unclear margins and VAIN3 
  • 14/01/19 MRI - showed a suspicious area in cervix
  • 29/01/19 PET-CT - confirmed MRI
  • 05/03/19 Radical Hysterectomy

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