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Reaction from friends and family annoying me

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Reaction from friends and family annoying me

Hi, I have had CC twice before. Last diagnosis was in 2015 of tage 1A1, and I've had 6mthly smears since then which have been all clear. Since my husband and I were still trying for a baby I had cone biopsies only and did not get a hysterectomy. 

Last week a ultrasound showed I have a lesion on my cervix. I need surgery in 2 weeks to get it biopsied. Of course I am really worried it has come back, and it is the natural thing to think since I have had it twice before.

The reactions of my friends and husband have really made me mad. First my husband (who I am seperated from), didn't even reply to my message when I told him. When I wrote back saying what a heartless jerk he is, he sent a mean message back saying I didn't know if I have cancer yet and "go get it biopsied for goodness sake" before I start calling it cancer. In other words no compassion or recognition of the fact I have it twice before and naturally would be feeling a lot of fear.

First long time friend I told who also knows all about my past cancer battles, just said "sorry to hear and God got you through last time, He will again". He might have not meant any harm, but it seemed really flippant and glib to me. Like, again, why would he not acknowledge how scary this must be for me, and how serious it could be?

Then other friend just went on and on about her daughter who had CIN3 and when she went back to the Dr it had magically dissapeared. I've told her several times, I had invasive cancer before, not just CIN3, but she won't listen and also minimises what I am facing.

Finally last friend also minimised it and because she worked in a hospital for a long time as a medical coder, claims 95% of cancer tests come back benign. Um, hello, I think its a bit different when you have had it twice in the same place before, and also already had a second reoccurance and you just got told you have a new lesion??

I just feel so mad at them all. Like no one really gives a crap and everyone is acting like I just need a mole removed.

No one has empathised with how serious this could be, or how scared I must be, they all just minimise it as if its no big deal. It makes me feel worthless and angry. Like I want to slap them for their callousness and lack of care.




Hi,didn't want to read and not reply,most people will only listen properly when it has been confirmed,not because they don't care,but because it might not be cancer,I i know with your past history this is the worst part of having tests,the waiting,but until they have been in the awful situation themselves they can only deal with facts,I think it's literally they can't empathise due to not knowing what the worry feels like themselves,and they try to understand but can't so you get the comments about personal experience which is not at all helpful...but there's a lot of ladies and gentlemen that do get what your going through on here,and I'm sure that i won't be the only reply,I know you must be petrified of reaccurence,but they are doing every thing possible to find it(if it is) and it will be found early like last time,so please don't write yourself off ....I hope you are doing ok as can be,in horrible circumstances and remember that your a very strong person that best it twice before take care xx

roodlechoodle's picture

hello, how are you doing now? 

ive had similar experiences with friends. i am only under investigation at the moment and only told a select few people  - one being my best friend. she straight away turned it around on herself saying shes had a laparoscopy for endometrosis so shes sure i will be fine. like its totally unrelated so i couldnt help but laugh. 

another has told me that shes had abnormal smears for years but colposcopies always come back clear. again, not my experience but thanks for telling me. 

i think people like to relate stuff back to them a lot of the time - not because they dont care but because they just dont know. ignorance is a wonderful thing and unfortunately, unless you experience something, you cant really empathise with anyone on the matter. 

i hope youre doing okay, i realise you posted this a few months back. x

Feb 2016 - First smear - clear

March 2018 - Started bleeding after intercourse, referred for colposcopy

May 2018 - Colposcopy and punch biopsies  - biopsy clear

30th May 2019 - Smear (still bleeding after intercourse)

15th August 2019 - High grade dyskaryosis

21st August 2019 - colposcopy and LLETZ to remove precancerous cells 

2nd October 2019 - CIN2&3 

February 2020 - Follow up smear

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Moving forward from a cancer dignosis