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Trying to save my marriage. Pls help

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Trying to save my marriage. Pls help

I have been with my wife for 9 years and she was diagnosed a year and a half ago , she is currently in remission and is back to work and school. We do not have children

Currently she wants a trial separation or divorce .

She says that she has changed , that her needs are different and she is a different person. She says she needs to be alone to figure this out. She doesn' know what her new needs are just that she isn' getting what she needs.  This makes it very difficult because I don' know how to change the way I support her if she doesn' even know what she needs.

Has anyone been in this situation during the treatment process?  Has anyone else tried a seperation? Am I being selfish trying to fight for our marriage? Should I let her walk away? 

I don' know what to think or feel .....i need insight, advice ,anything

Thank you for your time 



Hi Devan

I'm sorry you and your Partner are going through a difficult time.  I don't feel that I can give you advice on your specific situation as I don't know either of you but in my own experience we sometimes need space and/or push people away when we are hurting or have experienced something that has made us need to think deeply.

Often space is needed to reflect and look at what we want in the future.  It is nothing to do with specific people around us, quite simply it is about ourself, as selfish as that may seem.  The only advice I can give you is that you give the space she asks for (that doesn't necessarily mean separating) but make sure that she knows how much you care, that you will be there when needed and that she can take her time to find out what she needs.  No pressure, no constant questions for reassurance.  Stay steady and quietly supportive.

I hope it works out for you, whatever that happens to be.  Take care,




Hi Devan 

I am sorry you are going through this. I can't advise you on what to do but I can let you know what goes trhough my mind. See I was recently diagnosed with Cervical adenocarcinoma stage 1b1. awaiting treatment. On top of it before this diagnosis we had 3 miscarriages and just found out the cause is low AMH. I am 30 years old and been married for 11 years and we have no children...  All this has made me in a way want to push my husband away. I find myself thinking I can't be selfish and I should let him walk away to be happy if he chooses to. It kills me to know I probably won't be able to give him the family he wanted. I have told him that if he wishes to have a family he can move on. I can't be mad at him for it. When you love someone you wish for them to be happy. I don't know if maybe she feels the same way but instead of telling you she just tells you she's not the same. My husband constantly reminds me that he loves me with or without kids. It helps until the thought creeps in again. Maybe she thinks she's doing something good for you. I don't know that she thinks like me just thought it might help. Maybe it just helped me to get it out. I truly hope all is well with you and your wife