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Trying to save my relationship

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Trying to save my relationship

I had been seeing my partner for about 5 months prior to her diagnosis with cervical cancer. In the lead up  to treatment commencing she tried to set me free on three occasions but I said that I wanted to stay with her and support her.

About 4 weeks in to treatment she sent me an email saying that she just didn’t have the mental head space for me and could only focus on her and her son. So she needed to let me go for now. I told her I was shattered and heartbroken that I wanted to be with her and support her. She responded saying she didn’t want to hurt me but she believed it was best for us.

On the advice of a Psychologist I responded saying that I understood her position so I was happy to go down this path for now. The psychologist advised me to become a friend until after the treatment was over and see what happens then. The psychologist thought she had strong feelings for me which made it to hard for her to deal with as well as all the things that go with cancer.

i have run in to her once since at a cafe we used to frequent and did the friend thing. I have been texting as a friend but yesterday when I sent her a Christmas message I got no response.

i am so sad without her and want so much to support her.  I have never loved anybody like I do her. I just don’t know what to do? Help.



Just joined the forum and can see you haven't had any replies and it has been a few months...

Just wondered if you still wanted to chat with someone, if so drop a message on here and I will reply


I went bonks 1½ weeks ago after telling my man news.  Total melt down and because I couldn't seem to accept not just cold, hard, money grubbing doctors (who, to be quite honest, I believe exaggerate as where I live, majority of income made from chemo drugs...I've NO trust in them) but also that the gynecologist that did the D&C & Colposcopy at same time really butchered my cervix.  He couldn't take off work to take me to hospital so I had to get this news of cancer all alone.  It's the worst thing one can ever hear.  Yet I was alone.

I called him when I got home and he was nice but I think he's just in denial.  I told him when we first became intimate that I'd had "minor" cervical cancer 26 years ago as it was obvious from the bleeding something was off.  I've not allowed a man "in" intimately physically or emotionally in over 10 years now.  So I thought bleeding could POSSIBLY be from that as I'm quite "tight".  I kinda sorta thought might be more than such as I was a DES baby and, as stated, had "mini cancer" of cervix 26 years ago 

SOOO...next morning I was bleeding and it went on and on and on.  He claims he didn't know I was having surgery else would have been there (UM...what person with braincells shows up at a surgical center at 5:30 in the morning EXCEPT perhaps someone having surgery?).

Anyway, emotions totally out of control I texted him an entire encyclopedia of nastiness.  I wasn't nice at all.  VERY antagonist and passive aggressive all mixed in.

Two weeks ago he adored me.  Two days ago he's "out of tow.  Will call you when I get back.  Don't try to call me".

I TOLD him the NIGHT before that surgery just mentioned, crying back tears, that I love him very much and if I'm diagnosed in morning I want him to just move on and be happy (as I'm not doing traditional treatment).  I was likely too emotional to understand.


I don't know if he's avoiding me (ignoring, more accurately) because of cancer or because I threw at poop storm of very mean texts at him as I was so very upset that he was so aloof over surgery.

He KNEW it was surgery.  There's no way he couldn't have.  I texted him that morning with emergency phone numbers in case I dropped dead from anthesthetic (my dog's breeder,  etc).

I think people can go very deep in denial OR show their true colors.